Worst Jokes Ever
What does a queen want on her cookie?
Royal Icing.
Orphans only have 363 days because they don't have Mother's or Father's Day.
Son: "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"
Dad: "Yes, we arson."
A man has a terminal illness and isn't sure how long he has left to live, so he talks to his doctor. The man asks, "How long am I going to live?"
The doctor says, "Depends, what time is it?" The doctor then looks at his watch and says, "10".
The man asks, "Ten what?"
Then the doctor keeps going, "6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1".
I want to thank all the sidewalks out there for keeping me off the street.
Q: What was Hellen Keller's favorite game as a kid?
A: Musical chairs.
What do you do when an orphan takes a family photo?
A selfie.
Who is Santa's favorite singer?
Elf-is Presley!
What time is it when you walk into a wall? Time to get to bed!
"Twins sitting in class."
Me: Casually throws a paper plane at them.
Why don't Romans find algebra interesting?
X is always 10.
What is worse to have - a dead baby or a dead Santa Claus?
Santa. You need extra freezers for reindeer.
What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
I was cooking eggs the other day. It was very egg-citing, although, I was exaggerating, but, if you think that wasn’t funny to you, then you’re hard-boiled. That’s all for today, yolks! So I said before several cats starting fighting, that sh*t was a catastrophe. These kittens were all like “You’ve gotta be kitten me.” Meanwhile, in the ocean, they just waved, see what I did there? You shore you didn’t? Oh, alright, that’s okay bud- I guess these ocean puns are too deep for you. No? Okay- but, you know why the skeleton was lonely, eh? Oh, cause he had no body. Why didn’t the skeleton ask the girl out? He didn’t have the guts. What did the skeleton do to his gf? He boned her. No? Alright. Those didn’t make you laugh? Maybe I should hit your funny bone.
What do Jesus and I have in common? Our dads left us...
What is the one thing wrong with Asian pet stores?...
There is always a kitchen in the back.
What is big, annoying, and full of blubber?
90% of America's population.
What did everyone say about the crazy unemployed homeless man?
He made no cents.
Why did Mary fall off the swings?
She got hit by a refrigerator.
Q: What's the difference between an egg and me?
A: An egg gets laid.