Worst Jokes Ever
Jim and Allyn are 2 mates in the Air Force. They were paired up for a training exercise. They got up into the air and Jim said, "Okay Allyn, your helmet can control the missile when launched from the jet. Go ahead and test fire a missile and aim it at anything you want." Allyn fired the missile and had his eyes set on an abandoned building. Jim then said, "I also forgot, watch out for friendly fire." Allyn said "What?" as he looked over at Jim.
What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? "Wow, hairy!"
I never knew the kid at school had autism. I always just thought he was walking into cobwebs.
Give a man a fish, feed him for a day.
Give a man a poison fish, feed him for a lifetime.
I was rooting for Donald Trump to be president.
We haven't had a presidential assassination in a while.
How do you circumcise a redneck?
You kick his sister in the jaw.
What does a phone and a grandma have in common? They both die.
What's the difference between them? If you shove something up your grandma's ass, she won't come back to life.
What's a good way to masturbate?
Get somebody to do it for you.
What's the difference between an ISIS training center and a school?
I don't know, I just fly the drone.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on Mars? Mars Rover.
Why is Stephen Hawking good at skateboarding? Because he's always on the ramps.
There were two peanuts walking down an alley. One was assaulted.
Why won't Trump be subject to impeachment?
Answer: Because Republicans in Congress insist that every baby be brought to full term!
What's an alien's favorite computer key?
The space bar!
I was going to buy a pocket calculator. But then I thought, who cares how many pockets I have?
What can you say both at a funeral and during sex?
This would be much better if you were alive.
What do you call a kid who's been kidnapped?
Well, her name's Sally, so I guess... Sally. My main concern is getting her out of the freezer.
If there is a hair, the meat is ruined.
What did the green light say to the red light? - Don't look, I'm changing!
What's the difference between a refrigerator and a gay guy? You have to ask permission before stuffing it with meat.