Worst Jokes Ever
Q. What do you call a gun that rapes someone?
A. An assault rifle.
What do you call Mexicans in a band trying to be a white band?
"Juan Direction."
When the teacher calls on you and asks you how many people did Hitler kill?
"One, he killed himself."
A couple is sitting down, holding hands, and having a picnic after their wedding when the husband's friend walks over and says,
"Jenny and Jonathan sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes abrupt, tragic miscarriage! Then comes blame. Then comes despair, two hearts damaged, beyond repair. Johnathan leaves Jenny, and writes on the tree: D-I-V-O-R-C-E."
Doctor: "You're as healthy as a horse!"
Jimmy: "That's great!"
Doctor: "A horse with cancer."
What shoes do pedophiles wear? White vans.
How do pedophiles fit in? They force it to go in.
How do you make a 16 mm hole into a 40 mm hole? A pedophile comes in.
What did Santa say when he was passing over some hookers? "Ho ho ho!"
Q: What's the hardest thing about losing your virginity?
A: Making sure she doesn't wake up.
The only thing I do straight is vodka.
Why is there no toilet paper at KFC?
Because it's finger lickin' good!
Why can't orphans work at S.C Johnson?
Because it is a family company. 😂 😂
What do you call a grown-up orphan? Homeless.
Why does 9/11 only get a day, but Pride gets an entire month?
Because pride is a bigger tragedy.
What do you do when you finish a magazine at the hospital?
Reload and keep shooting.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
What do you call a cow that was hit by an anvil? A flat iron steak.
Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine. But why did seven eat nine? Because seven knew you had to have three squared meals a day.
Once there was a girl named Sally! She had no arms or legs, was mute, deaf, and blind.
Knock knock Who’s there? Not Sally.
Me: Your ugly...
Person: I'm not your mirror...
Me: I never told you to be my mirror :p
These three men wanted to start a band. One had the idea to call them the Rolling Stones, one wanted to call them the Veggies, the other said, "Let's be the Cripples," as they all rolled away.
Why did Steven Hawking only tell one-liners?
Because he couldn't do standup.