Worst Jokes Ever
What's the difference between a man and a table?
The table doesn't cry when I break its legs.
Q. What do you call a gun that rapes someone?
A. An assault rifle.
When the teacher calls on you and asks you how many people did Hitler kill?
"One, he killed himself."
A couple is sitting down, holding hands, and having a picnic after their wedding when the husband's friend walks over and says,
"Jenny and Jonathan sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes abrupt, tragic miscarriage! Then comes blame. Then comes despair, two hearts damaged, beyond repair. Johnathan leaves Jenny, and writes on the tree: D-I-V-O-R-C-E."
Doctor: "You're as healthy as a horse!"
Jimmy: "That's great!"
Doctor: "A horse with cancer."
What shoes do pedophiles wear? White vans.
How do pedophiles fit in? They force it to go in.
How do you make a 16 mm hole into a 40 mm hole? A pedophile comes in.
What did Santa say when he was passing over some hookers? "Ho ho ho!"
Q: What's the hardest thing about losing your virginity?
A: Making sure she doesn't wake up.
The only thing I do straight is vodka.
How do you execute a retard?
The Electric Wheelchair.
Why is there no toilet paper at KFC?
Because it's finger lickin' good!
Why can't orphans work at S.C Johnson?
Because it is a family company. 😂 😂
What do you call a grown-up orphan? Homeless.
Why does 9/11 only get a day, but Pride gets an entire month?
Because pride is a bigger tragedy.
What do you do when you finish a magazine at the hospital?
Reload and keep shooting.
Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine. But why did seven eat nine? Because seven knew you had to have three squared meals a day.
What is the difference between Bin Laden and Santa? One stops at the top of the skyscraper.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
What do you call a cow that was hit by an anvil? A flat iron steak.
What do lesbians cook for dinner?
They don't, they just eat out.
My mother was so sad after my grandpa's death, she went into the bathroom with my uncle, and I could hear their moans of sorrow. She then surprised me later on, saying that she was pregnant.