Worst Jokes Ever

How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

You follow the Fresh prints.

Have you ever walked past Steven Hawking's house?

No, neither has he.

Why was the astronaut washing her hands?

She was getting ready to eat launch.

Is Stephen Hawking under warranty? If so, can I bring him back to Currys PC World?

What’s the difference between depression and your ex?

Depression fucks you harder.

Why do some men call their testicles "bells"? Because it's next to their "ding-dong."

What sort of file turns a one inch hole into a two inch hole?

A pedophile.

My grandma refused to be an organ donor. She was buried with all her musical instruments.

Stage 4 cancer is like a woman. You can’t beat it, but if you do, she’ll probably come back again.

I heard the man who invented Autocorrect died; may he rest in peace.

Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?

Because he can’t do stand-up.

What is Stephen Hawking best at in basketball?

dribbling.

What is the worst thing you can find out about a woman on a first date?

She claims to have been raped. Then, you know to get as far away from her as possible because she's probably a feminazi bitch.

Why did the rape victim think it was Christmas?

Because her clothes were torn off like wrapping paper.

God: “Steven, join us.”

Sees the staircase to Heaven.

Steven: “Ahh, fu-”

Why did Trump decide to build the wall?

Because China built a wall and they do not have any Mexicans.

What’s the best thing about 28 year olds?

There’s 20 of them.

Q. Two gay guys are having sex, when suddenly the house catches fire. Who gets out of the house first, the guy on top or bottom?

A. The guy on the bottom because he already has his shit packed.

Everyone laughs when a bully teases someone, but no one laughs when that person commits suicide.

So, a daughter goes to her dad and says, "Daddy, can I borrow the car?" He then tells her, "You know what to do." So then she proceeds to suck him off, almost immediately pulls out in disgust, and says, "Ugh, tastes like shit." Her dad then said, "Damn, I forgot your brother took the car."