Worst Jokes Ever
What did the processor say when it was being overclocked?
"Stop it! It hertz so much!"
Person: I broke my arm in three places.
Doctor: Well, don't go to those three places then.
Science can fly you to the moon, but religion flies you into skyscrapers.
What is the difference between a washing machine and a child?
The washing machine doesn't cry when you put a load in it.
A father and his young son go to a restaurant and to keep him occupied, he gives the boy three pennies to play with. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and his face starts turning blue! The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back.
The boy coughs up two of the pennies, but keeps choking.
Looking at his son, panicking, the father starts shouting for help.
A well dressed, serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a nearby table reading from her laptop and sipping a cup of coffee.
At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants, takes hold of the boy’s testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.
After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last penny, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy’s testicles, the woman walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word, but keeps the penny.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, “I’ve never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?”
“No,” the woman replied. “I’m with the Internal Revenue Service.”
The population in Ireland's capital started rapidly growing. In fact, it's Dublin!
Don't bother; just try to live in England.
Q: Why couldn’t Poe Dameron find his sandwich?
A: Because BB-8 it.
Ya it's bad:)
Why do we tell actors to break a leg?
Cause every play has a cast.
Why does Michael Jackson like spaghetti? He likes the little meatballs.
What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.
Mom: Quit making suicidal jokes!
Me: Don't worry, it will all be over soon, Mom!
Mom: ❓❓❓
Tried committing suicide last night...
Never doing that shit again, I almost killed myself!
what's the difference between an emo and an apple? the apple falls to the ground while the emo just hangs there.
I tried to high-five my emo friend, but he just left me hanging.
What do you call an Asian Chihuahua?
A Konichiuahua.
I hate prom in Alabama. They always say, "Uhh, actually this is our family reunion." We are in Alabama, so they are the same thing.
Why is E.T. better than an orphan?
Because he found his way home.
I told a crippled guy he is immortal because he can't kick the bucket.
Friend: "UR LIT BRO!!"
Me: "That's what my sleeve said to my arm."