Worst Jokes Ever
What do you say to a fat Asian?
You got more chins than a Chinese phone book.
How many babies do you need to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
You guys should be ashamed of yourselves, making fun of the disabled. After all, they can't stand up for themselves.
What do you do when your baby starts screaming?
Use more lube.
What do emos and the Twin Towers have in common? There were two, but now there are none.
Your forehead is too big. I can see my future when it shines.
I used to have a fear of hurdles.
But I got over it.
Can I branch out to some tree puns? Willow you allow me it’s only fur. No? Oakome on!
Q: What did the cannibal say to the leper?
A: You gonna eat that?
What do Evil Knievel and Michael Jackson have in common? Both have skidmarks on their helmets.
When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive... It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.
Helen Keller fell down a well. She screamed and screamed until she was blue in the hands.
A man decides one day that it is time to buy a pet. He goes to the pet store, looks around and sees a beautiful parrot, sitting quietly on a stick in his cage. Yet the beast has no feet or paws. "What is the matter with you?" the man thinks aloud.
"Well, that's how I was born, I'm actually a faulty parrot," says the bird.
"Haha," the man laughs, "it seems like that parrot understands what I'm saying and even answers!"
"I understand everything you say, I am extremely intelligent and very well educated," says the bird.
"Well, if you're so smart then tell me how you can stay on your stick without legs."
"Well," says the parrot, "it's a bit embarrassing, but okay, I wrap my little parrot penis around the stick, like a hook, but I hide that with my thick feathers."
"Wow, you really understand everything I say, don't you?"
"Yes, yes," replies the bird, "and I speak Spanish and English fluently, I can speak on a level about almost everything, politics, religion, sport, and philosophy, and I specialize in bird science, you should buy me, I am also a very good friend for you."
The man looks at the price tag, 200 euros is on it. "Sorry, I cannot afford that."
"Psst," whispers the parrot as he beckons the man with his wing closer. "Nobody wants me because I do not have legs, just bid 25 euros and you can take me with you."
The man offers 25 euros and walks 5 minutes later with the parrot out of the store. A few weeks pass. The parrot is sensational. He is fun and interesting, gives good advice, is sympathetic to everyone, in short; the perfect roommate and friend. One day the man comes home from work and the parrot says "Pssssssssssst" while he beckons his wing again. The man comes close to the cage. "I do not know if I should tell you this," says the parrot, "but it's about your wife and the postman."
"What!?" says the man.
"Well, the postman came to the door and your wife greeted him in a nothing disguised nightgown and kissed him flat on the mouth."
"And then," the man hisses, "What happened then?"
"Well, the postman came in, grabbed her nightgown and started caressing her everywhere."
"My God," says the now furious man, "And what else did they do?"
"Then he took off her nightgown, went through his knees and started to lick her everywhere, starting at her breasts and getting further and further down."
"And then, what happened, what else did they do?" the man screams.
"No idea," says the papgaai, "I got a boner and thundered off my stick..."
Kenny was into incest until his mom died.
Now he's into necrophilia.
Dear math,
Please grow up and solve your own problems. I'm tired of solving them for you.
Thanks.
How do you confuse a blonde? Put it in a circle and tell it to sit in the corner.
I'd make 9/11 jokes, but they'd just crash and burn.
My daughter said I could never make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
Yo mama so fat, when she goes to the movies, she sits next to everyone.
Ring ring.
Abortion clinic!
Where no fetus can beat us.