Worst Jokes Ever
*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1: "God, I can only imagine what was going through those kids' heads in the last moments of their lives..."
Person 2: "Probably Bullets."
Person 1: "OMG!! Can you even think of what their parents are going through?!"
Person 2: "Probably Coffin Brochures."
Person 1: "...."
Person 2: "It's called dark humor. Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it."
Why are blind people so good at being a Jedi?
They are always swinging a stick.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with 3 legs?
Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with 2 legs?
Your mom.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Nah, he got nailed...
Confucius say:
"Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day."
Santa and Bill Cosby's favorite quote: "Don't be dumb, make sure they're numb, and always use a condom!"
So, a guy is evading the draft. The cops bang on his door, and he runs out the back, through an alleyway onto a road. He finds a nun and asks if he can hide under her blouse. She complies, and the cops walk by and don't see them. The man comes back up from under the nun's blouse and says, "Hey man, you've got a pair of balls!" The nun says, "I didn't wanna be drafted either..."
The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa.
What's the difference between a Lambo and a boner?
Your sister didn't give me a Lambo.
What do you think is going through kids' heads during school shootings? Bullets.
Place a man in a morgue, he'll try to leave.
Place a doctor in a morgue, he'll go to work.
Place a necrophiliac in a morgue, he'll stay happy for a week.
6:30 has to be the best time, hands down.
What do women and airplanes have in common?
A cockpit.
Can February march? -- No, but April may.
Decisions taken by world leaders often have great significance during a crisis.
The Americans, in particular, are suffering many losses during the current global pandemic. Remember, in the 1980's they had Ronald Reagan, Johnny Cash, and Bob Hope.
In 2020 they have Donald Trump, no Cash, and no Hope!
My mum told me to stop playing with my sister. She said, "At least wait for her to be born first."
A German soldier is walking down the street during a hail storm when a lady suddenly falls over after being hit. He, along with a few others, walk over to her. One man asks, "What happened?" and the soldier replies, "Hail hit her."
What's an emo person's least favorite game? Cut The Rope.
Jack and Jill went up a hill so Jack could eat her candy. But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of c*** because Jill's real name is Randy.
Surely people would consider putting pedals on wheelchairs so that their arms don't get tired.