Worst Jokes Ever
I ate a time machine once, it was very time-consuming. Especially when I went back four seconds.
My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media - it was a picture of me.
They said I was depressed, I should make an effort to do what I love.
I had to pay a hooker for twelve hours work.
... I felt nothing, but it was nice, being with someone who felt the same.
What do you call an expert fisherman?
A "MASTER-BAITER".
Iran: We can beat the USA.
Japan is typing...
What has two wings and a halo?
A Chinese telephone. Wing-wing Halo?
Grammar: It's the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit.
So there's this uncle of female and male twins, and his sister, the mother of the twins, is stuck trying to think of a name for the children. The uncle says, "I've got an idea!", and the mother gets excited, thinking this could be it. She says, "What should their names be?"
The uncle replies, "Well for your daughter, Denise." "That's a nice name," comments the mother, "but what about my son?" The uncle simply replies, "Denephew".
What is the similarity between a joke and food?
Some people just don't get them!
Why does Mexico not have an Olympic team? Because everyone who can run, jump, and swim is already in America.
When the school shooter is just about to leave your classroom, and you think you're in the clear, but the Down syndrome kid says, "Goodbye."
Trump is going too far.
He deported a printer because it didn't have papers.
Why do people want emo grass? Because it'll cut itself.
Sixty years ago, Stephen Hawking's teacher got fired for accidentally making an offensive joke. What was it? Go for your dreams, kids. Reach for the stars.
Why did Sally fall out of the swing?
She had no arms.
Why couldn’t she get up?
Because she had no friends.
What do you call a sex offender attending church? A priest.
I decided to visit Saudi Arabia with my girlfriend.
She and I learned they celebrate Pride month by throwing stones.
Joe Biden's speeches are so motivational. In fact, I have been stuck at home these past few weeks, and his well articulated words were enough for me to muster up the courage to jump off of a 10 story building.
I was playing Mortal Kombat with my friend when he picked the fighter Pristiano Penaldo. I won and the voice didn't say "Finish him," so I couldn't do a fatality.
I was confused, but I understood that the game didn't let me finish him because he is already finished.
Customer: "Can I get this in a smaller size and a different color?"
Employee: "Ma'am, this is an adoption agency, you can't do that here!"