Worst Jokes Ever

Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the sequence 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3? -- Because Yoda was in charge of the sequence.

A man goes into heaven and there he meets Jesus. He asks Jesus what that broken clock is there for. Jesus says, "That is Mother Teresa's clock, it has never moved because she has never lied." "There is Abraham Lincoln's clock. He has lied twice so it has moved twice." "Where is Donald Trump's?" asks the man. Jesus answers, "It is in my office, I am using it as a ceiling fan."

My friend and I were walking down the street, and we saw this one disabled kid getting bullied by three other kids. Urgently, we sprinted over to help. He had no chance against the five of us.

What happens when an emo kid loses a Kahoot? He gets a 25 kill streak.

How does a prostitute make more than a drug dealer?

Because she can clean her crack and sell it again.

What's the difference between America and a bottle of milk?

In 200 years the milk will have developed a culture.

So I asked a Chinese woman for her number, she said "sex, sex, sex, free sex tonight."

Her friend said "No, it's 666-3629."

What's the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player? The hockey player showers after 3 periods.

At a date:

He: "I work with animals every day."

Me: "Oh, how sweet! What do you do?"

He: "I'm a butcher."

Yo mama's so stupid that she studied for her eye test.

What is the difference between a frog and a horny toad?

One says “Ribbit, Ribbit” and the other says “Rub it, Rub it”.

This boy heard from a friend that if you tell an adult, "I know the whole truth," they will be all weird. So he went home and told his mom, "I know the whole truth," and she gave him $20 and said to keep quiet.

Pleased, when his dad got home, he said, "I know the whole truth," and his dad gave him $40 and said, "Don't tell Mom." Really pleased, he met the mailman the next day and said, "I know the whole truth." Then the mailman got down on his knee, opened his arms, and said, "Come to daddy."

Why are babies called bundles of joy?

When you break the bundle, it gives you joy.

What did the nut chasing the other nut say? "I'mma cashew!"

When you're fucking your boss's daughter, then you realize that you are self-employed.

The Pentagon is changing the nuclear codes to over 140 characters, ...

so Trump can't tweet it.

I know you don’t like rape jokes, but I’m gonna force one on you anyway.

Wanna hear a good joke?

My dad’s love for me.

What is an alien's favourite chocolate?

A Mars bar.

What did the beaver say to his son?

Dam, son.