Worst Jokes Ever
Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, "Wow, that's got to be the fastest we've ever gotten to an accident site."
Who goes to a comedian show and gets offended?
A feminist.
What did Freddie Mercury use to improve his hearing?
Hearing AIDS.
Friends are like trees, they fall over if you hit them with an ax.
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, you've told her twice.
What do you call a walkie-talkie for retards? -- A stumblie-mumblie.
You want to hear a dirty joke?
This guy and this girl were having sex when the guy's boss called to ask why he wasn't at work. The guy responds, "I'm sick." His boss replies, "You don't sound sick." The guy says, "I'm fucking my sister" and hangs up the phone.
I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
There's four people on a roof: a Mexican, an Asian, a black guy, and a white guy. The Mexican walks over to the ledge and says, "This is for my people," and jumps off. The Asian also walks over to the ledge and says, "This is for my people," and jumps off. Then, the black guy walks over to the edge and says, "This is for my people," and pushes the white guy off.
What did the kid with leukemia watch last night? Finding Chemo.
Why did Helen Keller's dog run away? You'd run too if your name was dgergbbfdnbj.
What's the best part about having sex with 28 year olds? There are 20 of them.
Little Johnny got a train set for Christmas. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Alright, you motherfuckers get off here, and you motherfuckers get off here." His mom comes rushing in and says, "Little Johnny, we don’t use that kind of language, go to your room and think about what you did!"
After a few hours, she lets him out of his room. He goes back to play with his train set. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Okay, you guys get off here, and you guys get off here. And if you have any complaints about the two hour delay, take it up with the bitch in the kitchen."
Necrophilia in Alabama is fun for the whole family, even grandma.
Don't do gay jokes, come on guys.
What do you call a swimming terrorist?
A bath bomb.
Yo mama so fat, she blocked my internet connection.
What do you call a pessimistic Mexican?
A Mexican't.
A receptionist at the Twin Towers orders two pepperoni pizzas. She was upset when she got two planes.
Why do tigers have stripes? They don't want to be spotted.