Worst Jokes Ever
What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One smashes open when you hit it with a sledgehammer, and the other is a watermelon.
What’s the difference between a doctor and a pedophile?
The doctor doesn’t enjoy giving physicals.
I shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye.
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Must be more than 9 because my basement is still dark.
Did you know the people in the twin towers were great readers?
Yeah, they went through 80 stories in seconds.
We shouldn't joke about rape, because rape is no laughing matter...
Unless you're being raped by a clown.
Apparently, describing the beautiful city of Hiroshima as "The bomb" is not okay.
How do you punish Helen Keller?
You leave the plunger in the toilet.
If I place a slide on the edge of a cliff or a really high building, would going down it be considered "suislide"?
Asking for a friend.
A mom gave her son "the talk". Her son replies, "Wait, so there really isn't candy involved? Guess Grandpa lied."
How do you cut the sea in half?
With a sea-saw.
What do planets like to read? Comet books!
What's the difference between Jesus and the baby I have in my basement?
Jesus died a virgin.
Knock knock. Who's there? Depression. That's my best friend.
You know what me and my spine both have in common? We are both not straight.
There were three people on the third floor of a building. The first one took a bite of an apple, then said it was too hard, so he threw it out the window. The second person took a bite of a lemon. He said it was too sour, so he threw it out the window. The third guy was drunk. He took a bite of a grenade and thought it was too crunchy, so he threw it out the window.
Then one of them went downstairs. He saw a dog laying on the ground dead. The apple had hit the dog in the head. Then there was a little girl crying with her cat in her lap. It had died because the lemon fell out the window and hit it in the head. Next, there was an old guy laughing. I asked him why he was laughing. He said, "I farted and the building behind me blew up."
What has 4 legs and 1 arm?
A Doberman in a playground.
Everyone loves orphans,
other than their parents of course.
Why couldn't Sally write with the pen? (Friend: Idk, why?) Because she had no arms.
Why couldn't Sally play Tennis? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) Yes, she had no arms.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) No, Joe pushed her.
Why couldn't Sally pick up the box? (Friend: *Some weird guess*) Because she had no arms.
Why did Sally drop her ice cream? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) Because she got hit by a bus.
Knock Knock. (Friend: Who's there?) Not Sally.
Son: Dad, am I adopted?
Father: What? No! Out of all the kids in the adoption center, do you really think I would pick you?