Worst Jokes Ever
Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?
Me: Seeing others happy.
Doctor: Ok, so what makes you happy?
Me: Seeing stupid people in misery or agony.
Doctor: Well, that's rather sadistic.
Me: Well, statistically one in two doctors have fingered a child...
Doctor: Do you want your prescription or shall I book you an endoscopy?
Me: There's nothing hidden inside me, I'm empty "smug face".
What do you call milk that gets everything she wants?
Spoiled milk.
What is a pirate's favorite letter?
A letter from his family; he hadn't seen them in years.
What is a prisoner's favorite punctuation?
A period.
Why?
Because it marks the end of a sentence.
Kid: Hey, what’s black and sneaky!
Social studies teacher: Harriet Tubman.
A rapist walks into a school and asks if they had 5 year olds in the school, and the teacher replies, "Are you that same person who took Jimmy?"
The man replies, "Yes," and the teacher says, "Take Susie too; she's being a little bitch."
Someone raped my ear, now I have hearing aids.
How do you escape a French prison?
Yell angrily in German!
So, you wanna hear a joke about the wall?
... Actually, nah, you won't get over it.
They say string theory is hanging on by a thread.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
There was a power outage.
What do you call a bad amputation?
A rip-off.
My friend: You really need to stop the SH jokes.
Me: But they're not that long.
What's the best thing about dead baby jokes?
They never get old.
Why was the cow afraid?
He was a cow herd.
Me: Hey dad, I'm in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal!
Dad: Hi in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal! I'm dad!
Why did Cinderella get kicked out of Disneyland?
Because she sat on Pinocchio's face and said, "Lie, bastard, lie!"
Knock knock. Who's there? Broken pencil. Broken pencil who? Never mind, it was pointless!
If you turn the word "racecar" backwards, it says "racecar".
But if you turn the racecar sideways, you have Paul Walker's blood on your hands.
What does Sonic say when he doesn't want to get caught fucking in public?
Gotta Go Fast!