Worst Jokes Ever
Why hasn't my dad come back? No seriously, I'm not joking.
Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, "Wow, that's got to be the fastest we've ever gotten to an accident site."
Who goes to a comedian show and gets offended?
A feminist.
What did Freddie Mercury use to improve his hearing?
Hearing AIDS.
A husband walks into his house to find his wife watching Gordon Ramsay's F-king cooking show!
Husband: "Stop watching that f-king sh*t! You can't cook to save your life!"
Wife: "So what?! You watch porn, don't you?!"
Friends are like trees, they fall over if you hit them with an ax.
I thought my wife was joking when she said she was gonna leave me because I wouldn’t stop singing “I'm a believer,” but then I saw her face.
You want to hear a dirty joke?
This guy and this girl were having sex when the guy's boss called to ask why he wasn't at work. The guy responds, "I'm sick." His boss replies, "You don't sound sick." The guy says, "I'm fucking my sister" and hangs up the phone.
Yo mama so fat, you must refuel twice to run over her with a car.
Why did Helen Keller's dog run away? You'd run too if your name was dgergbbfdnbj.
Necrophilia in Alabama is fun for the whole family, even grandma.
Little Johnny got a train set for Christmas. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Alright, you motherfuckers get off here, and you motherfuckers get off here." His mom comes rushing in and says, "Little Johnny, we don’t use that kind of language, go to your room and think about what you did!"
After a few hours, she lets him out of his room. He goes back to play with his train set. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Okay, you guys get off here, and you guys get off here. And if you have any complaints about the two hour delay, take it up with the bitch in the kitchen."
Don't do gay jokes, come on guys.
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, you've told her twice.
Yo mama so fat, she blocked my internet connection.
What do you call a pessimistic Mexican?
A Mexican't.
A receptionist at the Twin Towers orders two pepperoni pizzas. She was upset when she got two planes.
What do you call an expert fisherman?
A "MASTER-BAITER".
They said I was depressed, I should make an effort to do what I love.
I had to pay a hooker for twelve hours work.
... I felt nothing, but it was nice, being with someone who felt the same.
I ate a time machine once, it was very time-consuming. Especially when I went back four seconds.