Worst Jokes Ever
Two wrongs don't make a right, but what do two Wrights make?
The first airplane.
A priest and a pedophile walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey Jim!"
I'll never forget my brother's last words: "Why is there a revolver in your hand?"
People are making end of the world jokes, like there's no tomorrow.
What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One smashes open when you hit it with a sledgehammer, and the other is a watermelon.
What’s the difference between a doctor and a pedophile?
The doctor doesn’t enjoy giving physicals.
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Must be more than 9 because my basement is still dark.
Michael Jackson was once a guitar teacher, but he got fired because he fingered a minor.
I shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye.
What do painters and prostitutes have in common?
They're both paid for a good finish.
How do you get a fat girl to bed? Piece of cake.
Why is the lesbian lifestyle so expensive? -- They're always eating out.
... and they buy Rolexes for their neighbors, because they wanna watch.
How do you cut the sea in half?
With a sea-saw.
Why couldn't Helen Keller eat her Big Mac?
She was too busy trying to read the sesame seeds.
A cop pulled me over and shouted, "Papers!" I shouted, "Scissors!" and drove off.
What do planets like to read? Comet books!
A mom gave her son "the talk". Her son replies, "Wait, so there really isn't candy involved? Guess Grandpa lied."
If I place a slide on the edge of a cliff or a really high building, would going down it be considered "suislide"?
Asking for a friend.
A 10-year-old: "I don't want to smile without having a reason to. People shouldn't think I'm happy 24/7."
A 10-year-old, a week later: "Damn... my life is shitty..."
<2 years later> 12-year-old: "What is de-pre-ssion?" *googles it*
Now 14-year-old: "Oh..."
What's the difference between Jesus and the baby I have in my basement?
Jesus died a virgin.