Worst Jokes Ever

Dark humor is like a dad - not everyone gets it.

I don't call it suicide. I call it population control.

Why is the USA bad at Clash Royale? 'Cause they already lost two towers.

I know I'm valuable, I come with a barcode ;)

My wife caught me one day for watching a porn channel, so I quickly turned the TV to a fishing channel. On her way out, she said: "You should stay on the porn channel. You know how to fish!"

You must be depression, because you make me want to kill myself ;)

I'm going to hang myself in the bathroom at school and put a note telling kids that I'm a piñata.

Your hairline's so far back even Rosa Parks refused to sit there.

I told the emo girl that I bet she's jealous of the hanging lights in the gym.

Girl: "Come over."

Orphan: "I can't."

Girl: "My parents aren't home ;)"

Orphan: "Oh cool, something we have in common."

My dad is like Hurricane Katrina. I haven’t seen either since 2005.

When I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

Why do some couples make their status "single" after a small argument? Like, I don't put "orphan" after I get into an argument with my family.

Me: Mom, I'm tired.

Mom: "Then go to sleep."

Me: No, you don't understand-

I have 206 bones in my body, but when I look at you, I have 207.

My girlfriend broke up with me. She said I was a pedophile. I told her, “PEDOPHILE? Wow, that sure is a big word for an eight-year-old!”

Why is sex like math? You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there's no multiplying.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water. Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.

There was a costume party on Halloween. Everyone was there except one guy. Many people asked his brother where he was. His reply was, "Oh, he wanted to be our dad for Halloween."

If an illegal immigrant fights against a child molester, would that be "Alien vs Predator"?