Worst Jokes Ever

Your hairline's so far back even Rosa Parks refused to sit there.

I told the emo girl that I bet she's jealous of the hanging lights in the gym.

Girl: "Come over."

Orphan: "I can't."

Girl: "My parents aren't home ;)"

Orphan: "Oh cool, something we have in common."

My dad is like Hurricane Katrina. I haven’t seen either since 2005.

Why do some couples make their status "single" after a small argument? Like, I don't put "orphan" after I get into an argument with my family.

When I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

Suicide is illegal because it's a crime to destroy government property.

Me: Mom, I'm tired.

Mom: "Then go to sleep."

Me: No, you don't understand-

My girlfriend broke up with me. She said I was a pedophile. I told her, “PEDOPHILE? Wow, that sure is a big word for an eight-year-old!”

I have 206 bones in my body, but when I look at you, I have 207.

Why is sex like math? You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there's no multiplying.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water. Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.

There was a costume party on Halloween. Everyone was there except one guy. Many people asked his brother where he was. His reply was, "Oh, he wanted to be our dad for Halloween."

If an illegal immigrant fights against a child molester, would that be "Alien vs Predator"?

I was gonna roast you about your chin, but I didn't know which one to talk about.

To whoever has my voodoo doll, please hold its hand.

I donated 100 dollars to a blind children’s charity. Too bad they won’t ever see a dime of it.

Kid: "Hey dad, what's dark humor?"

Dad: "Go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him."

Kid: "But dad, I don't have any legs or arms."

Dad: "Exactly, son."

Your forehead is so big that you dream in 4K.

What's a depressed person's favorite drink?

Depresso espresso.

Nah, just kidding, it's bleach.