Worst Jokes Ever

This isn't a joke, but I'm a survivor and use humor to cope. I find these extremely funny, so please leave the people writing these alone 😭

I got raped by my therapist... now I know where the name comes from!

Q: What's stronger than family?

A: Whatever tree Paul Walker hit.

Why can orphans not go on field trips? They need a parent signature.

What do you call a terrorist in a kids' swimming pool?

A bath bomb.

If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That'll give you a reason to get up in the morning.

Yo mama so fat, I stood next to her and lost cell phone reception.

What do blind kids and orphans have in common?

Neither can see their parents.

Men: "I like dogs."

Women: "I like cats."

Chinese: "Food is food."

Why can't you play Uno with Mexicans? They steal all the green cards.

What's a pedophile's favorite cooking ingredient?...... Fresh meat.

I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence." Anybody relate?

"Wanna play the rape game?"

"No!!!!"

"That's the spirit!"

FIRST DATE

Man: "I work with animals every day." Woman: "Oh, how sweet! What is it that you do?" Man: "I'm a butcher..."

So a girl goes to Santa in the mall, and Santa asks what she would like for Christmas. So the kid says: “a little sister”. So then Santa says: “bring me your mother!”

Q. What's a disabled person's favorite band?

A. System of a Down's syndrome.

Why do tampons have strings? So you can floss your teeth when you’re done eating.

Did you know that McDonald's made a Michael Jackson burger? It’s a 50-year-old piece of meat in a 12-year-old bun.

Knott and Shott got into a gunfight. Knott was shot and Shott was not. Therefore, it was better to be Shott than Knott. But what if the shot Shott shot didn't hit Knott but Shott? Then the shot Shott shot shot Shott.

I would roast you but burning trash is bad for the environment.