Worst Jokes Ever
When a woman removes polish with chemicals, no one bats an eye, but when Hitler removes the Polish with chemicals, suddenly people lose their shit?
What is Jesus's favorite exercise?
Cross Fit.
Why does Peter Pan always fly? Because he Neverlands.
The teacher asked her class to use "definitely" in a sentence. Little Johnny raised his hand to answer, yet the teacher passed him and went on to Kevin. "The sky is definitely blue." "Very good Kevin, but the sky can also be blue or black," the teacher replied.
Little Johnny raised his hand again as high as he could, yet the teacher passed right over him and picked Annie from the back of the room. "The grass is definitely green." "Very good Annie, but it can also be brown." Little Johnny was waving his hand like crazy seeking her attention. Finally, she called on him. "Mine's more of a question, but do farts have lumps in them?" "Why no, Johnny, why would you ask such a question?" She questioned. "Well, if they don't have lumps in them, then I definitely just shit myself."
You're so poor, people break into your house and leave things.
How did Stephen Hawking please his woman? He uses a hard drive.
I like when people say they hate me because we have something in common. <3
What's the difference between a Catholic Priest and a pedophile?
One is Catholic.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? -- A stick.
Why did the skeleton not rob the bank?
He did not have the guts!
Yo mama so fat she sat on an iPhone and turned it into an iPad.
Girls are like blackjack; you shoot for 21, but I keep hitting 14.
Why didn't the toilet paper make it across the road?
It got stuck in a crack.
It's funny how Stephen Hawking sounds like Stephen walking or Stephen talking, but he can't do any of those things.
What kind of shoes do kidnappers wear?
White vans.
It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.
What does a cannibal call people in water?
Sea food.
What type of tape do kidnappers use?
Abduct-Tape.
Chuck Norris and Time had a race.
Result: Time is still running...
I refuse to believe my dad got fired as a road worker for theft. But when I came home, there were signs everywhere.