Worst Jokes Ever

Why was the blonde fired from the M&M factory?

For throwing out the W's.

Why do self-harmers "draw" on their arms?

Because everything they do is in vein.

Punchline: "Vain" sounds similar to "Vein".

Q: What’s the difference between Usain Bolt and Adolf Hitler?

A: One got to finish a race.

Wanna know why not to joke about 9/11? They usually crash the party.

I cry a lot for someone who isn’t even properly hydrated.

Two antennas got married on a roof. The ceremony was horrible, but the reception was great!

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite meal?

His shoulder.

What is a suicide pack's favorite song?...

Let the bodies hit the floor.

I ate a clock yesterday. It was very time-consuming.

Did you hear about the monkeys that share an Amazon account? They were prime mates.

The only time you see a depressed person lifted up is when they hang themselves.

What's the similarity between a Christmas ornament and a person?

They both hang...

What do you get when you cross jokes and cum?

CUMedy.

I can't find out where Stephen Hawking is from, I just can't place his accent.

Chuck Norris has a bear rug in his living room. It's not dead or anything, it's just too scared to move.

How does a fish always know how much they weigh? -- Because they have their own scales.

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers, and says, "You guys should know your limits."

An orphan walks into a supermarket, gets lost and calls for his mum, then remembers.

what's the difference between hitler and you?

one didn't keep posting on twitter about killing themselves.

I lent a hot girl my umbrella yesterday. That takes the number of girls I've made wet this year to -1.