Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair?
Artificial Intelligence.
What do jokesters eat for breakfast? Pun-cakes.
Three guys are stranded with cannibals on an island. The cannibals said, "Each one of you come back with 10 pieces of fruit and shove them up your butt showing no emotion." The first guy came back with 10 apples, and by the second one, he started to grunt, so he was killed and eaten.
The second one came back with cherries, and when he went to put the 10th one in, he started to laugh, so he was killed and eaten. The two guys met in heaven, and the first guy said, "Dude, you were so close. What happened?" The second one said, "I would have made it, but I saw the third guy come back with 10 pineapples!!" 😝😝🤣🤣
What do you call a fat girl with a rape whistle?
Optimistic.
My friend asked me to describe myself in 3 words...
"Lazy."
A man walks into a bar and orders 3 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, "What's got you down?"
The man says, "I just found out my niece is gay." The next day, he orders 4 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, "What's got you down now?" The man says, "I just found out my son is gay."
The next day, he orders 6 shots of whiskey. The bartender says, "Got anybody who likes women?" The man says, "My wife does."
What do you call an alligator with a vest?
An investigator.
Did you ever think that John F. Kennedy went for a ride in Dallas just to clear his head?
How is having fun with a prostitute like bungee jumping?
You’re dead if the rubber breaks.
If rape was about power, then my electric bill would be a positive balance.
Once I went to watch a match in Portugal. It was between Penaldo and his kids. The referee was Georgiana (his wife). Mpaypal and Igayspeed were also there. The match began, and his kids scored two goals in the first 10 minutes. Then, when the match was about to end, Penaldo got angry and asked his wife for penalties. His wife declined, and he tortured and beat her up and took 10 penalties (missed 7 of them) but won 3-2. Shame on you, Penaldo! 😡😡😡
What do you call a fish that smokes? "A puffer."
A wife and husband had been on a strict diet, and the wife said, "You know, we've been good about our diet. Let's have a cheat night tonight." The wife came home with KFC and Wendy's. The husband came home with Sylvia from the office.
Q: Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
A: He only comes once a year.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? Yeah, he's all right now.
How do you make a fruit punch?
You give it a pair of boxing gloves.
Neo-Confederates all claim to be about "heritage" not "hate". Well, if your heritage consists of Kelly Clarkson, riding on siblings, and treating Donald Trump as if he's the second coming, then it really sucks to be you.
I was playing hangman, and I gave up on the word "LIFE".
How do women make you a millionaire?
When you're a billionaire.
You're so ugly, when a pig saw you, it thought that you were their family member.