Worst Jokes Ever
A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man's wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said:
"I have good news and bad news."
The wife said: "What's the good news?"
"We managed to save his arm."
"What's the bad news?"
"We couldn't save the rest of him."
I got a new pair of gloves today, but they're both 'lefts,' which, on one hand, is great, but on the other, it's just not right.
What do you get when you have an annoying kid, a homicidal kid, and a suicidal kid in the same room? A happy ending.
A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house. He got the outside.
Did you hear about the 100 centimeter girl?
I’d really like to meter.
I fell from the stairs the other day. It really "got me down."
Why did Paul Walker cross the street?
Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.
What do you call a gay drive by?
A fruit roll up.
Why do prostitutes love servicing zombies? They always leave a tip.
Say what you want against pedophiles, but they slow down in school zones.
Why was the man fired from a calendar factory? He took a day off.
An American, a Cuban, a Russian, and a lawyer are sitting on a subway train, in the same seat. The Cuban pulls out a Cuban cigar for each person, and hands it out. The Cuban takes one puff of his cigar, and he throws it out the window. Everybody but the Cuban goes mad. "You just wasted an expensive Cuban cigar! How could you?" The Cuban simply says, "See, in Cuba, cigars are very cheap."
The other passengers are reassured and respond with, "Oh, OK."
The Russian takes out a small bottle of Russian vodka and pours a shot for all the passengers. The Russian downs his shot, and throws the vodka bottle out the window. The rest of the passengers are alarmed, once again. "You just destroyed an expensive bottle of Russian vodka! How could you?" The Russian simply states, "See, in Russia, vodka is very cheap." Yet again, the other passengers are reassured and respond with, "Ah, yes! Of course."
The American scratches his head and goes, "I think I see the pattern here." So he takes the lawyer, and he throws him out the window!
Never buy an epileptic kid light-up Sketchers.
What were Stephen Hawking's last words? "System failure."
In the average room, there are about 2,894,638 items that Chuck Norris can use to kill you, including the room itself.
What do you get when you cross jokes and cum?
CUMedy.
Chuck Norris can make Minute Maid lemonade in 5 seconds.
These gags are killing me!
There was a cannibal who had a wife and eight kids.
Yesterday, a clown held the door open for me. It was such a nice jester!