Worst Jokes Ever
I named my horse Mayo.
Mayo neighs.
Why are mountains never serious?
Because they’re hill areas.
Having an abortion will make you so tired... it literally sucks the life out of you.
My little sister called my name a few minutes after I put her to bed. She told me that there was something in her closet. I checked the closet and told her there was nothing there, but told her she could still sleep in my room with me. I was thinking that was the best way to get her out of the room before he noticed I saw him.
Why is the thief so good at basketball? Because he can shoot, steal, and run.
What do you call a skeleton who went out in the snow? A numb skull!
How did the necrophiliac get caught?
Some rotten cunt split on him....
If Stephen Hawking is dying, where do I take him, Currys PC World, or a hospital?
How does Hellen Keller drive?
With one hand on the wheel and the other on the road.
billie: hi.
me: You wanna hear a story?
billie: Yes, sure.
me: Once upon a time, I ran over your dog last night.
My midget landlord told me to pack my things up and that I've got 30 minutes to get out. That's short notice!
Why couldn’t the dwarf husband make his wife pregnant?
Because of his short cummings.
Guy 1: "Tell me a bad pun."
Guy 2: "Alright. What's the difference between a tuna fish, a piano, and a tube of glue?"
Guy 1: "Ok, that last one was random as heck. What is the difference?"
Guy 2: "You can tuna a piano, but you can't piano a tuna."
Guy 1: "Ok, where does the glue come in?"
Guy 2: "Ah, I knew you'd get stuck on that."
Why are white teenagers the best for the army? They are good at shooting things up.
What do you call it when a person with Down syndrome gets friendzoned?
Chromozoned.
What do you call a rich Chinese man? Ching Ching.
I like my lovers like I like my whiskey, 12 years old and mixed up with coke.
What do you call it when an orphan takes a family photo? A selfie.
My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.
Titanic - "Yo, look at that sexy babe of an iceberg, let's hit her!"