Worst Jokes Ever
What did Freddie Mercury use to improve his hearing?
Hearing AIDS.
A husband walks into his house to find his wife watching Gordon Ramsay's F-king cooking show!
Husband: "Stop watching that f-king sh*t! You can't cook to save your life!"
Wife: "So what?! You watch porn, don't you?!"
Friends are like trees, they fall over if you hit them with an ax.
There was a murder. The detective suspected the artist first... because he was sketchy.
I thought my wife was joking when she said she was gonna leave me because I wouldn’t stop singing “I'm a believer,” but then I saw her face.
Yo mama so fat, you must refuel twice to run over her with a car.
You want to hear a dirty joke?
This guy and this girl were having sex when the guy's boss called to ask why he wasn't at work. The guy responds, "I'm sick." His boss replies, "You don't sound sick." The guy says, "I'm fucking my sister" and hangs up the phone.
Why did Helen Keller's dog run away? You'd run too if your name was dgergbbfdnbj.
Necrophilia in Alabama is fun for the whole family, even grandma.
Little Johnny got a train set for Christmas. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Alright, you motherfuckers get off here, and you motherfuckers get off here." His mom comes rushing in and says, "Little Johnny, we don’t use that kind of language, go to your room and think about what you did!"
After a few hours, she lets him out of his room. He goes back to play with his train set. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Okay, you guys get off here, and you guys get off here. And if you have any complaints about the two hour delay, take it up with the bitch in the kitchen."
Don't do gay jokes, come on guys.
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, you've told her twice.
We all hear cause we cut ourselves, right? I mean, JK.
What do you call a pessimistic Mexican?
A Mexican't.
I ate a time machine once, it was very time-consuming. Especially when I went back four seconds.
My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media - it was a picture of me.
Why do tigers have stripes? They don't want to be spotted.
Why are there no Olympics in Mexico?
Because everyone from Mexico that can run, jump, and swim is already over the border.
They said I was depressed, I should make an effort to do what I love.
I had to pay a hooker for twelve hours work.
... I felt nothing, but it was nice, being with someone who felt the same.
What do you call an expert fisherman?
A "MASTER-BAITER".