Worst Jokes Ever
And the lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? -- Because the octopus was well armed.
My new girlfriend is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.
I threw a Asian down some stairs. It was Wong on so many levels.
Why does Mexico never hold the Olympics? Because everyone that can run, jump, and swim is already out of the country.
Son - Dad, I've been expelled from school for having sex with a girl in my class.
Dad - Son, that's the 2nd school this year! Maybe teaching isn't for you!
Chuck Norris once put a plastic bag on his head, and the bag suffocated to death.
Don't mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.
Brother: I bought my brother a trampoline today, the ungrateful fuck just sat in his wheelchair and cried.
Why did Sally get to go to Hawaii for free?
She washed up on the beach.
What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with boobs?
One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
Why did the squirrel do the backstroke?
He wanted to keep his nuts dry.
Are you enjoying my yolks? I bet they're making you crack up. If not, I better scramble.
What is a pirate's favorite letter?
You'd think it'd be R, but really his heart will always belong to the C.
You know how 6 is afraid of 7 because 7 8 9? Well, 10 is afraid because he was in the middle of 9/11.
What's the difference between you and Hitler?
Hitler knew when to kill himself.
A mosquito with a Mario hat on flies on you saying, "It's-a me, Malario!"
So, a daughter asks her father, "Dad, what is your opinion on abortions?" Her father says, "Why don't you ask your sister?" The daughter responds, "But I don't have a sister... Oh."
If Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are in a boat and it capsizes. Who survives? -- America.
What does the cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?
He wipes his butt.