Worst Jokes Ever
What is the difference between a man performing anilingus on a woman and a man performing cunnilingus on a woman?
If a man is performing anilingus on a woman, it is not classified as heterosexual sodomy, you fucking idiot!!!!!
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
A “Lickalottapuss”.
What did the skeleton say before dinner? "Bone appetit." His whole family found that humerus.
What’s the difference between an orphan and a watermelon? One of them is fun to hit with a sledge hammer and the other one is just a watermelon.
Why do priests like kids in wheelchairs? Because they can’t run.
If a special ed kid is late to class, is it okay to call me a little tardy?
What's green then red all over and goes 100mph?
A frog in a blender.
An American woman married a British man. On their honeymoon, the British husband said, "You look like a million pounds!" The wife divorced him.
What is the difference between a Catholic priest and acne? -- Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.
My son is so ungrateful. I bought him a trampoline and all he does is sit in his wheelchair and cry all day.
A 13 year old girl is having a sleepover. One of her friends asks, "When was the last time you had an orgasm?" She replies, "3 days ago." Dad comes bursting in, "I KNEW YOU WERE FAKING LAST NIGHT!"
Why is Stephen Hawking a bad role model? -- He doesn't stand for anything.
I'm made with depression and extra anxiety, then a side of gay and a sprinkle of emo.
One day a boy asks his grandfather for some money, and the grandpa says, “Well, can your dick touch your asshole?” To which the boy replied, “No.” So the grandpa says, “Okay,” and leaves it at that and walks off.
A few years later, the boy asks his grandfather for some money again, and his grandfather once again asks, “Can your dick touch your asshole?” To which the boy proudly says, “Yes, it can.” To which the grandpa says, “Good, now go fuck yourself.”
How do you get a nun pregnant? -- Dress her up as an alter boy.
How do you get a man with only one arm out of a tree?
Wave.
"How is your long distance relationship going?" -- "So far, so good."
The whole reason he is dead is because he kept hitting "Remind me later" on his Windows Updates.
As a little boy, I walked in on my parents having intercourse one night, and of course, my parents stopped and sent me back to bed.
The next day my dad tells me, "Don't worry son, I wasn't hurting mommy, we were just trying to make you a little sister."
So, when I was young I always wanted a pet. I then looked at my father and asked, "Could you do mommy doggy style next time? I want a puppy."
What's worse than locking your keys in the car in front of an abortion clinic?
Having to go back inside and ask to borrow a hanger.