Worst Jokes Ever
What is the difference between a feminist and a female prostitute? If you want a female prostitute to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.
I hate two-faced people because I don't know which face to slap first.
Who reads the fastest?
The pilot of the plane who hit one of the twin towers. He took out 83 stories in one go.
A friend asked me, "Where are you going?"
I answered, "6 feet underground."
Me and a person downtown.
Person: Hey, crazy Saturday night.
Me: I guess so.
Person: Why do people do crazy stuff like this?
Me: I don't know. I used to, but don't anymore.
Person: Why'd you stop?
Me: Unfortunately, I lived every time I'd try something.
brb makin' tic tac toe boards on myself.
Why can't the orphan play the game of life? They don't know what a family road trip is. 😆
Why were the Middle Ages called the Dark Ages?
Because there were too many knights.
What's the difference between a school and an ISIS military base? Don't ask me, I only fly the drone.
I used to get pushed and called lazy in school.
Man, I loved that wheelchair.
An apple and an emo kid fall off a tree at the same time. Who hits the ground first?
The apple, because the emo kid got caught by the rope.
A man walks into a bar with an alligator and a stick. He walks up to the bartender and offers to put on a show for the bar's patrons in exchange for a drink. The bartender agrees, so he pulls down his pants, sticks his dick in the alligator's mouth, and starts whacking it with the stick. After he's done and gets his drink, he asks if anyone else would like a go.
A lady gets up and says yes, she would like a go, asks that he doesn't hit her with the stick.
A dyslexic man walked into a bra.
Will glass coffins be a success? -- Remains to be seen.
A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! That's not going to help!" she said. "Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."
Have you ever walked into Stephen Hawking's house? No, he hasn't either.
It sucks that Stephen Hawking died so soon, the new Intel update just came out.
What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
She gagged.
Closer kin, deeper in!
What's the difference between snow men and snow women?
Snow balls.