Worst Jokes Ever
A mosquito with a Mario hat on flies on you saying, "It's-a me, Malario!"
Q: What's an orphan's favorite part of a website?
A: The homepage.
Why did Wi-Fi and the computer get married?
Because they had a connection.
What's the difference between you and Hitler?
Hitler knew when to kill himself.
A man looks at his friend and says, "If you and a friend go camping and you two get really drunk, and in the morning you wake up with a condom in your butt, would you tell anyone?" The friend says in a disgusted tone, "No." So the man says, "Okay, let's go camping."
You know when you sign up for something and it says "I'm not a robot"? I guess he never had the chance to tick that.
Why can you never hear bunnies having sex? Because they have cotton balls.
How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
Why did the skeleton not go to the dance?
Because he’s dead.
You idiot.
There once was a street named Chuck Norris. They had to change the name because no one crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of Caesar salad?
The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them.
If you give a gator a GPS, does that make it a navigator?
Dark humor is like food.
Not everyone gets it.
What animal gets easily offended? The chicken; they always get roasted.
Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?
Tequila.
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant.
After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing diapers!”
She replies: “Oh my god! Am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?”
To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
What's the difference between onions and babies?
I cry when I cut onions.
Did you hear that Stephen Hawking wrote a new book? It's called "Around The House in Eighty Days."
A man walks into a bar and orders 3 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, "What's got you down?"
The man says, "I just found out my niece is gay." The next day, he orders 4 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, "What's got you down now?" The man says, "I just found out my son is gay."
The next day, he orders 6 shots of whiskey. The bartender says, "Got anybody who likes women?" The man says, "My wife does."
My brother once froze a dollar in a block of ice. I called it "cold hard cash."