Worst Jokes Ever
You're so damn fat that the only belt that fits you is an asteroid belt.
I used to work at a calendar factory, but I got fired because I missed a few days.
What happens when a clock is hungry?
It goes back four seconds.
Why can't humans hear a dog whistle? -- Because dogs can't whistle.
A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street, and they come to a kid playing in a sandbox. The priest says, "Hey, you wanna go screw that kid?"
To which the rabbi replies, "Out of what?"
Roses are red, violets are black, I traded my son for 10 Big Macs.
No matter how much I love cake...
I would never dessert you.
Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex.
They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.
Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bartender here?"
If you're gonna razor yourself, you might as well have shaving cream.
Why couldn't Sally write with the pen? (Friend: Idk, why?) Because she had no arms.
Why couldn't Sally play Tennis? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) Yes, she had no arms.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) No, Joe pushed her.
Why couldn't Sally pick up the box? (Friend: *Some weird guess*) Because she had no arms.
Why did Sally drop her ice cream? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) Because she got hit by a bus.
Knock Knock. (Friend: Who's there?) Not Sally.
You want some dead batteries? They're free of charge.
Sans: Wow, seems you’re really working yourself... down to the bone!
Yo mama so stupid, she stared at a juice box because it said concentrate.
What do ambulances and gay men have in common? They both take it in the back and go whoop whoop! :D
What is 6 inches long and makes women scream? Stillbirth...
Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
Once I'm done choking you,
You will be too.
Here’s a trick I learned to do on the calculator.
Sally had 69 boobs (69) which was too too too many (69222), so she went to the doctor on 51st street (6922251), and he said to take a certain pill 8 times a day (6922251 times 8), which left her (flip your calculator over)
Boobless.
Patient: “Doctor, my bottom hurts.”
Doctor: “Can you tell me exactly where it hurts?”
Patient: “Right around the entrance.”
Doctor: “As long as you call it the entrance, it will hurt.”
Why hasn't my dad come back? No seriously, I'm not joking.