Worst Jokes Ever
What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and the Statue of Liberty? The statue stands for something.
A Blonde walks into a hospital claiming that everywhere she touches hurts. So she goes into the examination room and the doctor says, "Okay, I'd like you to point to wherever it hurts." So the Blonde pokes her cheek and says, "Here. Ow." She then pokes her arm and says, "Here. Ow." She then repeats this with different parts of her body until the doctor finally says that she should stop.
The doctor says, "I know what's happened to you." "What's happened to me?" The Blonde says, concerned. The doctor simply replies, "You have a broken finger."
I won't ever forget my dad's last words: "OH GOD THE POLICE!!!"
Why couldn't the Japanese man give a high five?
Because Logan Paul left him hanging.
One thing that Johnny Depp and Michael Jackson love to do? Sniff on little white crack.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect 4 in only three moves.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That’ll give you a reason to get up in the morning.
Did you know Princess Diana was on the radio the night she died?
To be honest, she was on the whole dashboard too.
A young boy was picked up by a strange young man who put him in his car and drove into an abandoned farm.
"This place looks scary," the kid said.
And the man replies, "I know right, I have to walk out of there alone."
A pilot is having a talk with one of his passengers. The passenger asks, "Why did you become a pilot?" The pilot replies with, "To face my fears." The passenger then says, "You're afraid of heights?" "No, I'm afraid of dying alone."
What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?
A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
Got into a fight last night. We both had blades. He cut me deep. I thought I was gone, but he forgot to keep the water running.
Weird thing was that we were in the fight of our lives in the restroom and that guy kinda looked like me.
I like my girls how I like my wine, 12 years locked in the basement.
What's the cheapest kind of meat you can buy?
Deer balls. They're under a buck.
Why do Native Americans hate snow?
Because it's white and settles on their land.
A prisoner was told how he'll be executed. Needless to say, he was shocked.
One day, little Billy came in, pulling up his pants. The teacher asks, "Where have you been, Billy?" He says, "On top of Beverly Hill." A few minutes later, little Willy came in. The teacher asked, "Where have you been?" He says, "On top of Beverly Hill." Ten minutes later, little Johnny came in. The teacher says again, "Where have you been?" He says, "On top of Beverly Hill." A few minutes later, a girl came in. The teacher says, "Who are you?" She says, "I'm Beverly Hill."
My aunt's star sign was Cancer, pretty ironic how she died.
She was eaten by a giant crab.
Helen Keller walked into a bar, and a chair, and a table, and a wall.