Worst Jokes Ever
What's white with black spots? A cotton field from above.
What do you call a disabled Asian?
Sum Ting Wong.
Someone asked me why I'm still here... the answer is simple: I don't want to be used as a school assembly.
I don’t know what’s worse: Finding bucket loads of porn on my dad’s laptop, or finding out he was in all of them.
People sometimes ask me why I cut myself. I usually answer that at least I can scan my worth at the supermarket.
So I meet with a therapist on a weekly basis. We talk about my depression and how it's been getting worse. Recently, I've been advised about my condition, and how I've been discussing with her about being suicidal. She's been very helpful throughout it. I was even told I can pay in advance from now on, so I don't have to worry about it later.
Why did Logan Paul go to the suicide forest?
To see who's hanging around.
I like my Oreos how I like my victims... Drowning.
My dad and I went to the hospital once, and he said he'd be fine and it'd only take a few minutes.
Lying bastard never came out.
I'll always remember my dad's last words... "Why do you have an axe? We live in the city!"
The happier they get, the less they see.
What's the hardest part about being a pedophile?
Fitting in.
Why are feminists always against men?
Because men can piss with something that they can't: piss with dicks.
Why are feminists jealous of men?
Because men don't have to stand up to piss.
Well, I'm off to the orphanage to tell "yo mama" jokes.
What's the difference between my dad and a hooker?
Hookers come back.
My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That's a big word for a seven year old.
A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off."
Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.
However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.
She walked up to the bartender and asked, "May I please use the restroom?"
The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf."
"Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way," said the nun.
So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.
After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause!
She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"
"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender, "Would you like a drink?"
"No thank you, but, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.
"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out."
Now, how about that drink?
When you send her a dick pic, but then she sends you one right back...
How does E.T. have an advantage over orphans? E.T. can actually phone home.