Worst Jokes Ever
Why did the coffee file a police report? -- Because it was mugged.
What's the difference between that bridge and my will to live? None, they're both too short.
Your mama is so fat that when she wears yellow, kids run after her thinking they missed the school bus.
What did the rapist say to his victim?
"Go ahead, call the police. We will see who comes first."
Roses are red, violets are black. Why is your chest as flat as your back?
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
Woman one: "I got so mad at my GPS today that I told it to go to hell!"
Woman two: "Did that work?"
Woman one: "Well, it took me to my in-laws’ house."
What do Michelangelo and Kurt Cobain have in common?
They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.
When you accidentally turn in your suicide note instead of your essay to the teacher, but she still gives you an A.
The suicide hotline didn't even give me advice on how to kill myself. Not helpful at all.
when you don't have a phone to play Fruit Ninja and improvise.
How do bitches talk about body positivity when they have no body to even be positive about?
My husband told me to make him a sandwich. I was looking online for some comebacks. Someone online said, "You better come back with a goddamn sandwich!"
One day Nathan came in ten minutes late to Mr. Jones's class. Mr. Jones asked him, "Nathan, what do you have to say for yourself?" Nathan says, "Please sir, I was on top of Cherry Hill." Then Dave came in a further ten minutes late to Mr. Jones's class. Mr. Jones asked him, "Dave, what do you have to say for yourself?" Dave says, "Please sir, I was on top of Cherry Hill." Then Mike came in a further ten minutes late to Mr. Jones's class. Mr. Jones asked him, "Mike, what do you have to say for yourself?" Mike says, "Please sir, I was on top of Cherry Hill." Then five minutes later a new girl walked in to Mr. Jones's lesson. Mr. Jones is at the end of his tether now and says, "Who are you and why are you late?" The new girl says, "Sir, I'm called Cherry Hill."
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
My friend told me he had a sister. I asked if she was hot, and he said she was 8. That wasn't my question.
The only reason Stephen Hawking died is because he forgot to update to the latest version of Microsoft.
What’s the best part about twenty-eight year olds?
There’s twenty of them.
What's the definition of trust?
Two cannibals giving each other blowjobs.
How is a woman like a condom?
Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.