Worst Jokes Ever
Do you know pigeons die when they have sex?
I mean, the one I fucked died.
How do you get 1 million followers:
{ RUN THROUGH AFRICA WITH A BOTTLE OF WATER }
What do you call an orphan family photo?
A selfi.
What is the similarity between a sloth and a depressed kid?
They both hang from trees.
Why are Americans bad chess players?
They lost 2 towers.
Three men are outside Heaven's gates waiting to go through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them, "Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven."
The first guy says, "I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times." The angel gives him an old model pick up. The second guy says, "11 years and only once," and is granted a Mercedes.
The last man says, "20 years and not once. I loved her with all my heart," and with the angel impressed, he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later, the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says, "I know we are dead, but it could be much worse."
The guy looks up and says, "How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard!"
Today, I learned that a group of piranhas can maul a small child down to the bone in under 20 seconds. Well, I lost my job at the aquarium today.
What do you call someone smart and dead?
Stephen Hawking...
My opinion on abortion is very divided. Like, on the one hand, I like the idea of killing babies, but I'm not really into this thing about women being able to make choices.
The gay kid tried to shoot up the school, but his shots would not go straight.
What is Forrest Gump’s email password?
1forrest1.
Why can't the Chinese play baseball? They ate all the bats.
What does an autistic kid and a porn video have in common? You can shoot both of them, just not in public.
Did you know, the average gay person likes men?
Why is a white guy in prison scarier than a black guy in prison?
The white guy actually did it.
Only in Ohio.
What's black and yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of orphans.
Roses are red, violets are blue, if I had a brick, I’d throw it at you.
Why is America so bad at chess?
Because they already lost two towers.
I don't want to die alone... That is why I am working my way up to become a suicide bomber!