Worst Jokes Ever
Roses are red,
I don't know what is brass.
I tell myself,
"Don't touch grass."
How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
Why can't Mexicans play Uno?
Because they take all the green cards.
What's red, green, and goes 90 miles an hour?
A frog in a blender.
Uranus, ur-anus, your anus. Anus is what's in between your two buttocks.
What do you call a person with Down syndrome in the military?
Special Forces.
I have a dog named Syndrome.
But it gets kinda awkward when he jumps on someone and I have to shout, "DOWN SYNDROME!"
What do you call a blowjob from a girl who has autism?
Special head.
Why can't an orphan be gay?
Because they have no one to call daddy.
How do you cure a ginger?
Chemotherapy.
What do cows listen to on headphones?
moo-sic.
How come I have a father but not a dad?
He was a priest.
What do you call a Chinese rich man? Cha-ching!
What's similar between a 14 year old pregnant girl and the fetus inside of her?
They're both thinking, "Oh shit, my mom's going to kill me!"
I’d tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I only remember the punch line.
One day, I'm going to Malta to a big hotel. In the morning, I go down to eat breakfast. I tell the waitress I want two pieces of toast. She brings me only one piece. I tell her I want a piece. She says, "Go to the toilet." I say, "You don't understand. I want a piece on my plate." She says, "You better not piss on your plate, you son of a bitch." I don't even know the lady, and she calls me a son of a bitch.
I don't need this shit!!
Later, I go to eat at the big restaurant. The waitress brings me a spoon and a knife, but no fork. I tell her I wanted a fork. She tells me everyone wanna fuck. I say, "You don't understand, I want a fork on my table." She says, "You better not fuck on the table, you son of a bitch." I don't even know the lady, and she calls me a son of a bitch.
I don't need this shit!
So, I go back to my room in a hotel, and there are no sheets on the bed. I call the manager and tell him I want a sheet. He tells me, go to the toilet. I say, "You don't understand, I want a sheet on my bed." He says, "You better not shit on my bed, you son of a bitch."
I go to the checkout, and the man at the desk says, 'Peace on you.' I say, 'Piss on you too, you son of a bitch. I'm going back to Italia. Arrivederci!'
I don't need this shit!
Moral of the story, don't go to Australia with a Korean accent.
What's an orphan's least favorite film? Family Guy.
What makes a nuke and divorce the same?
It only takes one of each to end your life.
This guy looked down the aisle and asked, "Hey, are those kids all yours?" And I replied: "No, I work for a condom company, and these kids are just all of my complaints."
Once there were three girls taking a walk in the mountains. One was a brunette, one was a redhead, and the other was a dumb blonde. They came to a cliff and the brunette said, "If you jump off that cliff and say what you want to be you will become it." So the brunette jumped off and said "falcon" and became a falcon. The redhead jumped off and said "eagle" and became an eagle. The dumb blonde ran, was about to jump, but tripped on a rock, and said "crap."