Worst Jokes Ever
I love vegans because they save more meat for us.
Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one orders a Bloody Mary. The second orders a Bloody Mary. The bartender turns to the third and asks, “A Bloody Mary?”
The vampire shakes his head. “Hot water for me.”
“Hot water?”
“I found a tampon out back and want to make tea.”
Vagina jokes aren’t funny, period.
Why did the orphan eat cereal with water?
Their dad did not come home with the milk.
Why is a gun like a box of chocolates?
If you pull one out in class, everyone wants to be your friend.
What do babies and grenades have in common? They both make noise when you throw them.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common: they should both be changed regularly... and for the same reason.
Trump and Biden didn’t get the memo.
How does NASA organize a party?
They planet.
Yo mama so fat, she is 4 feet tall laying down.
Why was the snowman smiling?
Because he saw the snow blower coming down the street.
A teacher was teaching her second-grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her students to ask their parents what the government is. When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and asked him what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, “Look at it this way: I’m the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the workforce, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.” “I still don’t get it,” responded Little Johnny. “Why don’t you sleep on it then? Maybe you’ll understand it better,” said the dad. “Okay then...good night,” said Little Johnny and went off to bed.
In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother’s crying. He went to his baby brother’s crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent’s room to get help. When he got to his parent’s bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole, he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn’t there. So he went to the maid’s room. When he looked through the maid’s room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, “OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the workforce, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of s**t!”
Straights are ALWAYS asking LGBTQ+ people why they have such GOOD FASHION SENSE. We didn't spend all that time in the closet for nothing, honey ;)
Why don't parents get school shooting jokes? They're aimed at a younger audience.
Two nuts were chasing each other. One said to the other, "I'm-a cashew!"
Why are cats good at video games?
Because they have nine lives!
How much pussy does a priest get? None.
Official flag of Great Britain? The Union Jack.
Official flag of Australia? The Southern Cross.
Official flag of Canada? The Maple Leaf.
Official flag of Japan? The Sun.
Official flag of Orange County, California? The Nazi Symbol.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
What cookies did the orphans never try?
Home made cookies!
The 911 people really didn't scramble fast enough, so they got folded like an omelet.