What is the difference between me and a knife?
The knife has a point.
Worst Jokes Ever
I had to stop using cutting jokes because they were getting too deep.
Why were the Twin Towers mad?
Because they ordered pepperoni pizza and they got plain!
If I eat a poisonous potato, it attacks my immune system and I die.
But if I poison a poisonous potato, then eat it, then I won't die because the potato is already dead and can't attack my immune system.
My teacher walked up to the emo kid and told him, "I like your striped red and tan gloves." And she asked, "Where did you get them?" The emo kid replied, "Oh, I made the red stripes myself."
Old people kept saying "you're next" to me at weddings, so I started saying it to them at funerals.
What's similar between a blind kid and an orphan?
They both can't see their parents.
Guys, stop making jokes about orphan's parents.
Who will be told? Oh wait.
What does an evil hen lay?
Deviled eggs! 😈🥚
A proud new dad sits down with his own father.
His father says, "Son, you now have a child of your own, so I think it's time I gave you this." And so, he pulls out a book: 1001 Dad Jokes.
The young man says, "Dad, I'm honored," as tears well up in his eyes.
His father says, "Hi, Honored, I'm Dad."
I still remember my grandpa's last words; "Is that loaded?"
When I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got all excited and asked if I could fly a plane.
Q. What walks through alleys and has a hole in it?
A. Batman's parents.
An orphan's first word would be "orphan keeper."
How did the Shaggy defense become successful for JD Vance?
He was not banging on the sofa. Rather, he was banging the sofa!
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
Yo mama so fat that when I banged her in the jacuzzi, there was a level 8 tsunami.
So the teacher goes up to you and says, "I'm going to call your parents." Me: "Good luck finding them."
Why is it so hard to choose between buying a Subaru or a Volvo? Because you’re deciding whether you want to look like a rapist or a pedophile.
A man walks into a pharmacy and buys multiple containers of Tylenol, and the clerk asks why he's buying all of these. He replies with, "I'm playing 1 pill eat 100."
