Worst Jokes Ever
What's the benefit of taking a depressed kid to the store?
Scan the wrist and you might get a discount.
Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide," and he told me from now on I have to pay in advance.
Dinosaurs are like my dad. I never got to see either of them, and they are now extinct.
My dog kept chasing people on a bike. Eventually, it got so bad I had to take his bike away.
The other day at school we had to write down our hero and what we would do if they walked into our house. I got off easy because my hero is Stephen Hawking.
how do you fit 4 gay guys on a stool?
you flip it over.
If you die a virgin, then where does your v-card go? Does it go with you to the grave, or does your mortician take it from you?
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and an airplane landing strip? Don't know, neither did my dad.
Did you hear about the new Exorcist movie? The Devil came to get the Priest out of the child.
What is the difference between a preschool and my basement?
Little kids leave preschool.
What’s black, white, and red? A nun that fell down a 100 flight of stairs.
What’s black, white, and laughing? The nun that pushed her!
Officer sees a man and he is seeing he is having trouble walking, so he asked him, "Sir, are you drunk?" The man responds, "No, sir, I'm not drunk." So the officer asks, "How high are you?" And the man responds, "No sir, it's 'Hi, how are you?'"
Give a man a plane ticket and he'll fly for a day. Push a man from a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life.
My mom said, "Take out the trash," and I said, "Okay." The next day she asked, "Where is your sister?" and I said, "In line to get crushed."
There's a movie about constipation. It hasn't come out yet.
Your mamma's so ugly, even the toaster wouldn't get in the bathtub with her.
My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?”
I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”
If you’re waiting for the waiter at a restaurant, aren’t you the waiter?
A black boy walks into the kitchen where his mother is baking and accidentally pulls the flour over onto his head. He turns to his mother and says, “Look Mama, I’m a white boy!” His mother smacks him and says, “Go tell your Daddy what you just said!” The boy finds his father and says, “Look Daddy, I’m a white boy!” His Daddy bends him over, spanks him, stands the boy back up, and says, “Now, what do you have to say for yourself?” The boy replies, “I’ve only been a white boy for five minutes and I already hate you black people!”
What does a priest and a wristwatch have in common? They both start at 12.