I will pay someone to kill me.
Worst Jokes Ever
What place has more boys than the Catholic Church? Michael Jackson's bedroom.
There are people who are beautiful, and then there are people whom I won't rape.
What's black and white and red all over? The prisoner I just hit with my car.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water, but Jill fell down and Jack came tumbling down after.
(And you thought this would be a joke.)
Why are the Americans good at Rubik's cubes? Because they have a long history of separating colors.
The difference between my life and a joke is that a joke has meaning.
What did the lesbian vampire say to the heterosexual woman after she was done licking her pussy after she was done having her blood period?
"I will be back next month."
"So I asked a genie if he could grant me this wish. I wished to be like Michael Jackson. The next day, I was in a playground full of little kids."
I'm 24 and I was with a Chinese lady, and she kept screaming, "I'm too young!" Like, I don't know what that name is.
Me: My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday, and I had her wheelchair.
Me: Guess who came crawling right back?
Balls in your jaws.
my therapist says with time all wounds can heal.
So I stabbed him. Now we wait.
What do Phillip Adam and Kurt Cobain have in common?
They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.
Yo mama so ugly even Hello Kitty said goodbye.
What do you call your angry French aunt?
A crossaunt.
Yo mama so fat, I saw her eat with 3 utensils: A spoon, a knife, and a FORKLIFT.
Why does China have the biggest eyewear?
Because all their eyes are too small.
I'm going to draw a picture. A picture with a twist. I'll draw it with a razor blade. I'll draw it on my wrist.
What do you call an orphan when there 18?
Homeless.