Worst Jokes Ever
Me: 911, I just killed someone.
Cops: Cool, we will not come.
Me: Why?
Cops: Don't admit a crime.
Phones: *Bang Bang*
Me: Well, that was 2 crimes done.
Where is the pocket?
It is there, the pocket.
I went to a museum and saw clocks. The owner told me these were lying clocks.
"This is God's clock. It never moved because he never lied."
"This is your clock. It moved 3 times because you lied 3 times."
I asked where is President Trump's clock. He said it was at the equator, spinning super fast for those who were on fire. I laughed so hard because it was so true!
How are genders and twin towers alike? There used to be 2, but now it's a sensitive topic.
"F***, Jesus ate his stinky ass."
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Joe Mama!
Nothing is funny about the Name who died an agonizing death, was mocked, spit on, and humiliated all because we were sinners and God saved us so we could be free from the punishment of sin.
Jesus is sinless and perfect and loving. How dare you!
Guys, why are we being racist? Why can't we love each other, please? Gimme that dick, boy. Please stop fighting. Let's love each other and them big ole dicks, please. Gimme that dick. I hate racism.
What do you call a person who died in war?
Little Johnny.
September 11, bring your plane to work day.
I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. A week later, he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.
Little Natalie was playing with matches. Her mother caught her, took them, whupped her, and told her never to play with matches again.
A few minutes later, Little Natalie was playing with matches again. The curtains caught fire, and the house burned down.
Another few minutes later, when she and her mother were sitting at their neighbors', her mother told her: "If you think I gave you a whupping, wait till your father gets home!"
Little Natalie just cackled with delight because she knew her father had gotten home earlier and gone upstairs to take a nap.
The reason that girls are not allowed in boys' treehouses is because girls can't keep their mouths shut about boys taking turns sucking each other's hotdogs.
What do you call a happy child swinging with her friends at recess?
Not Sally.
What is the Titanic's favorite mint?
Icebreakers.
Me: Man, I wish my clothes were emo.
Friend: Why?
Me: So they would hang themselves.
A Chinese couple had a black baby and named him Sum Ting Wong.
Kid: "I fucked your mom."
Orphan: "What's a mom?"
I saw a dwarf scaling down a prison wall. I thought to myself, "That's a little condescending."
What does a gay man that is a dumb blonde and who is a prostitute do after he sucks cock?
Spit out the feathers.