The best part about Poland π΅π± is that the police lights are different.
Worst Jokes Ever
True Story
A CO was receiving inmates as they're being recalled from their assigned jobs to prepare for count. An inmate that had passed the officer returned bleeding through his trousers from his crotch. The inmate had an argument with his lover who had told him that he wasn't enough woman for him. As the inmate was bleeding he was crying out, "He doesn't love me anymore!"
The officer called for medical assistance and went into the assigned cell. He found the severed penis. He fished it out of the toilet and placed it in a plastic bag with ice. He claimed that the medical staff at the hospital could reattach it. He took a ribbing from his fellow officers, because most would've flushed it. I retired and months later saw a fellow officer at the store. As we caught up, I mentioned that the last incident I responded to was 'the severed penis.' The officer tells me that the inmate severed his penis again after it was reattached and flushed it himself.
My teacher asked me what my favorite number was yesterday, and I said 2977. I chose 91 for my football jersey number and Sharpied a 1 after the other 1, and my teacher Mr. Jackson's dad died in 9/11, and when he was talking about it Friday the 9th, I threw a paper airplane at him and got suspended for 3 days starting Monday.
Don't tell me I haven't got balls. I just happen to wear mine on my chest, and I can guarantee they're a lot bigger than yours!
Why is six scared of seven? Because 7 8 9.
Then why was 10 scared? Because he was between 9/11.
Huggy Wuggy big big Huggy Wuggy big big big big Huggy Wuggy laugh laugh smooch smooch Huggy Wuggy *insert clapping noise*
What is the orphan's version of a family portrait?
A selfie.
What's an orphan's favorite toy?
A boomerang because it's the only thing that comes back to it.
I never touched kids, just women, but since I was famous, they were fine with it.
Is your ass jealous of the shit that came out of your fucking mouth?
Have you seen Dolly Parton's new shoes? Neither has she!
The only time that cows will make noise is when they are in the moooo-d.
What comes up on small oceans? Microwaves.
Hereβs my hand, please hold it. That way I can say I was touched by an angel.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Mama.
Big Mama. Big Mama can't fit through the door.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not your parents.
My Wi-Fi must be Kobe, because it crashed hard.
In the new Justice League movie, Flash can break glass by touching it, why is that?
Because Flash is not supported on Windows.
My girlfriend calling me: I'm home alone ;)
Me: I know, you always are...
One of my students asks, "Can I have a bookmark?"
A year of school and they still don't know my name is Danny.