What is cats and dogs' favorite story and movie?
"Romeow and Drooliet!"
Worst Jokes Ever
You can make fun of adopted kids all you want. What are they going to do, tell their parents on you? Lol.
Superman and Flash were in the living room pounding back a few beers. Flash says to Superman, "I bet you can fly into Wonder Woman's bedroom and get the best pussy of your life." So he does it. When he goes back to Flash, Superman says, "Man, that was great, but my ass kinda burns."
Why did the butt smell so bad? Because he didn’t have a nose! AND HE FARTED TOO!
Why couldn't the orphan go into the restaurant?
It was family friendly.
A dwarf walks into a bar.
He asks for a shot of whiskey. The bartender gives him the 🥃, and it turns into a gallon of whiskey. The bartender sees this and takes it back, and it turns back into a shot of whiskey.
I watch gay porn.
Why did the koala cross the road?
To get to the big tree.
I was listening to my children praying, and my youngest that can speak said to me: "Mama, why is Gramma dead?"
I smiled and told her, "Well, less than 10 years ago when I was 5, your age, my Momma took me into the basement with some hot rando during a party. And 9 months later Shinana was born. One Pedo after another and your 4 siblings were born. The Pedo I met last night told me, 'If your mother's the one making you do this, do what you do best.' I listened and the next day she didn't leave her bed breathing. When the Pedo found out he left me and your soon to be brother."
She replies with, "Make his child support expensive!" Now he has to pay me 2,000 U.S. dollars every month, like the other ones that ran away.
Burger King got Dairy Queen pregnant during sex, cause he forgot to wrap his Whopper.
How can you tell when your sister is on her period?
Your dad's knob tastes funny.
How did the skeleton know it was going to rain? He read the weather forecast, you fucking idiot!
I thought I told you to lock up when I left this morning. This is why our shit gets stolen all the time!
Hey girl, are you a scientist?
Cause you made my thing into a baking soda volcano.
What's the similarities between the New York Jets and the World Trade Center?
They both fall in September.
Why don't paralyzed people laugh?
They hate stand-up comedy.
Your mum is so cute that I asked for her number and she said yes, and now we're dating.
I'm great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
A magician walks up to a girl and asks her to feel the rabbit in the magician's hat.
The magician asks the girl to rub the rabbit. The girl notices the rabbit sticks up and drools; the hat was covering the hips.
Why do people never kick their own balls?
Because they might lose one!