Worst Jokes Ever

Why are there only 363 days for orphans?

Because they don't have Mothers' and Fathers' Day.

My mom and dad got home from a party pretty late. Why do I know? Because I was playing Minecraft all night.

Anyways, they get home and start fumbling up the stairs and being really loud. I could have swore I heard them fall down. I assumed they were drunk. I was just playing my Switch when they come into my room. Now I'm about 10 at the time so I watch them get undressed IN MY FUCKING BED! I then just stare at them as they notice me before I witness anything. They say that they were doing "intense kissing" the next morning. I believed that at the time, but now I've been to health class. I now know the truth. I wish I hadn't.

What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie one shoe.

Me: Roasts my annoying cousin.

Everyone at the barbecue...

Q: What's the difference between an abortion clinic and Uber Eats?

A: The abortion clinic doesn't deliver.

Yo hairline so far back, it goes back to Jesus on the cross!

I'm a cheetah, I cheat, duh?

I gave a blind person a gun and said it was a hair dryer.

What do you call a fat Indian that is actually a machine?

The "curry muncher 2000."

These orphan jokes are getting old. I mean, seriously, haven't you got something better to tell?

Your lips are so big, it turns the Grand Canyon sideways.

It's amazing how many things rhyme with blue.

Blue, sue, stew, poo, screw, new, boo, do, rue, glue, you, to, too, flew, you, goo, zoo, two, moo, woo, ooh, blew...

And the children of Israel wandered round the desert for 40 years, until eventually Moses' wife said, "Are you going to ask for directions, or what?"

I had the WORST day ever. My ex was sent to the hospital from a gun, and I got my hunting license removed.

Next time you get a call from anybody, say, "Hi, welcome to Dave's orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?"

Or,

"Hi, welcome to Pizza and Abortion clinic, your loss is our sauce!"

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate 9. So what was 10 scared of? Because he was in the middle of 9, 11.

Dead.

My ill sis said, "Why did the bear say no to ice cream?" and I said, "Why?" She said, "'Cuz it's stuffed!"

What do you call an Indian man stuck in a tree?

A leaf.

What kind of milk does a new age calf drink?

Dairy free.