Worst Jokes Ever
I asked my mom where babies come from. She said I came from the adoption center.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
A man is driving down the road and runs over a rabbit. He slams on his brakes, gets out, and walks up to the flattened bunny. The bunny is obviously expired.
A passing car slams on its brakes and screeches to a halt. The driver of that car runs up to the bunny, pulls out an aerosol can, and sprays the bunny with the aerosol spray. The bunny jumps up, runs a few feet, then stops, turns around, and waves its paw at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. He continues to do this until he’s out of sight.
The first driver looks at the man with the aerosol can and says, “Wow, that is amazing! What is in that can?” The man looks at the can and reads the label, “Hair restorer, with a permanent wave.”
One day I told my wife that she drew her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised.
There is a lot of difference between a man and a woman saying, "I went through a whole box of tissues watching that movie."
The 6th-grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”
No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!”
Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, “Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?”
Little Mary’s mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, “Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!”
The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, “Anybody?”
Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, “The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye.”
Mrs. Parks said, “Very good, Billy,” then turned to Mary and continued.
“As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn’t read your homework. And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed.”
What do Nike and the KKK have in common?
They both make Black people run faster.
What do you call a bus full of transgender men? T-Mobile.
Moms have Mother's Day and dads have Father's Day. What do single guys have?
Palm Sunday.
Why do depressed people go to camp? To learn how to tie knots tighter.
What do you call a vegan slut?
A garden ho!
What do you call a hot tub full of special ed students?
Vegetable Soup.
Did you know Cobain had dandruff? Yep. They found his head and shoulders all over the back of his couch.
Why was baptism invented?
How else was a priest supposed to clean his sex toys?
You gotta give it to JD Vance. He is consistent; he is Putin his dick where it don't belong!
Well, somebody has to cushion the blow.
My wife thinks I'm immature, so I told her to get out of my fort.
Yo mama is so dumb, she thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.
How are Xbox servers like hookers? First they take my money, and then they go down on me.
Dad: School is canceled, I think your teacher died or something.
Me: Wow, they found the body already?
Dad: :/
My friends were worried that I was making suicide jokes so much, so I said, "Don't worry, you won't have to hear them much longer."