Worst Jokes Ever
Why are dolphins so smart?
Because within three hours they can train a human to stand at the edge of the pool and feed them fish!
Why is it so easy bullying orphans?
They can’t tell their mom.
So, I was at a funeral the other day, and it was a school shooting mass funeral. The lady beside me asked me, “What do you think was going through their heads?” And I replied, “Probably a bullet.” She was furious and said, “How dare you! You have no idea what those kids were probably going through!” And I replied, “Well, they were going through anything the bullet was going through them.”
Mum: If your friend jumped off a cliff, would you?
Me: Oh yeah, no doubt my friend wouldn't even have to jump first.
Why aren't emos and trees friends? Because the tree leaves them hanging.
A man is driving down the road and runs over a rabbit. He slams on his brakes, gets out, and walks up to the flattened bunny. The bunny is obviously expired.
A passing car slams on its brakes and screeches to a halt. The driver of that car runs up to the bunny, pulls out an aerosol can, and sprays the bunny with the aerosol spray. The bunny jumps up, runs a few feet, then stops, turns around, and waves its paw at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. Runs away a few more feet, stops, turns around, and waves at the two men. He continues to do this until he’s out of sight.
The first driver looks at the man with the aerosol can and says, “Wow, that is amazing! What is in that can?” The man looks at the can and reads the label, “Hair restorer, with a permanent wave.”
What do depressed kids and sloths have in common? They both hang from trees.
Why was the stadium so hot?
Because all the fans left!
A homeless man sits in front of a Home Depot. A man walking out of the store hands him some money and asks, "Why are you in front of the Home Depot?" And the man says, "Isn't it obvious? Hoping somebody accidentally drops the house they just bought."
What has an N, an I, two Gs, an E, and an R?
Ginger!
Why is the bottom of the sea so dark?
Because Black people can’t swim.
One day I told my wife that she drew her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised.
There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were all trapped on an island, and the nearest shore was 50 miles away.
The redhead swam, trying to make it to the other shore. She swam 15 miles, drowned, and died.
The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died.
The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.
I was walking down the street and I punched a white guy and then I was arrested for assault.
The next day after I got out, I punched a black guy and I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.
I asked my mom where babies come from. She said I came from the adoption center.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
There is a lot of difference between a man and a woman saying, "I went through a whole box of tissues watching that movie."
What do Nike and the KKK have in common?
They both make Black people run faster.
What do you call a Muslim guy in a bathtub?
A bath bomb 💣
What do you call a bus full of transgender men? T-Mobile.