Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

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A woman can fake an orgasm for the sake of a relationship.

A man can fake a relationship for the sake of an orgasm.

I just read in the news that tons of Americans are sending their old clothes to poor people in Africa.

Seems like a waste of time in my opinion. I've never seen an African with a 52 inch waist.

The gayest person on Earth is Pac-Man.

You can pay him 50 cents to eat 200 balls.

My friends were worried that I was making suicide jokes so much, so I said, "Don't worry, you won't have to hear them much longer."

I saw a kid on the side of the road covered in rags and asked if he was an orphan. He said, "What gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."

What do you think would fall to the ground first, an emo kid or a leaf?

The leaf. The rope would stop the emo kid.

When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say, “This boy always had a fat ass.”

OTHERS (MOTIVATED): If I had FLYING as a SUPERPOWER, FALLING would be the BEGINNING STAGE.

ME (DEPRESSED): OK, GOOD IDEA! LETS FALL OFF THE CLIFF AND FLY TO HEAVEN!!

What is Donald Trump's favorite game?

Fortnite. Because he can build walls for free.

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    • What is the difference between preschools and my basement?

    Little kids come out of preschool.

    I took an hour-long shower. The German officers were looking at me kinda scared.

    I was watching my son play at the park, and a lady asked me, "Which one is yours?" And for fun, I said, "I don't know, I'm still choosing."

    What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common?

    No ballroom.

    I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid. They were still breathing, so I told them to walk it off.

    A guy is bankrupt, so he gives his son a duck and tells him to go sell it for as much as he can. So the kid goes on the street to sell the duck. A prostitute walks by and says, "I'll fuck you for $10." The boy says, “I would, but I don't have any money.” She says, “Ok, I'll take the duck instead.” He says ok, so they go upstairs and fuck.

    The prostitute says, “That’s the best sex I've ever had. I'll give you the duck back and we can do it again.” So they do and he gets the duck back. But when they go downstairs, the duck gets hit by a car. And the guy that hit the duck feels so bad that he gives the kid $25. So when he gets home, his father asks him why he looks so tired. The boy says, well, I got a fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck, and $25 for a fucked up fuck.

    A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

    The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

    "No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

    "Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.

    "No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I spend all my time trying to stay alive."

    "Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.

    "Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"

    "Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.

    "What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.

    "Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

    The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

    The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf and sex."