Worst Jokes Ever
Funny how "Hawking" rhymes with "talking" and "walking," and he can't do either.
And the first four letters of his Christian name spell "step," and he also can't do that.
I cannot believe no one's come up with a cure for anorexia yet. I thought it would be a piece of cake!
What do you call a criminal?
Disarmed and dangerous.
Q) What is the ONLY zodiac sign ever to be surgically removed?
A) Cancer.
Why did the Nurse bring a red pen to work? To draw Blood.
Why did the M&M go to school? To be a smartie.
Why did the monkey bring a ladder to school? To be in highschool.
Abortion is becoming more and more expensive these days. So visit Ammu-nation and pick up an Armsan RS-X1 tactical shotgun. It comes with a free box of ammo and a three year warranty. Buy now, pay later.
A teacher is teaching a class algebra. Timmy, you've worked out it is AK, but what is 59 minus 12? Timmy shakes his head, not knowing. The teacher asks, "How about AK 49 minus 2?" Timmy replies with um... The teacher becomes frustrated and yells, "What comes after AK, Timmy!?" The white kid at the back stands, shouts 47, and pulls the trigger.
I saw a kid wearing tatty rags on a curb, so I asked, "Are you an orphan?"
"Yes," he replied. "What gave me away?" He asked, "Your parents," I said.
How many orphans does it take to change a light bulb?
Obviously more than three because my basement is still dark.
What did Cinderella wear to the beach?
Glass flippers.
If you think long and hard, oral sex is like cannibals.
22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.
Why don't cheetahs say goodbye?
Because they are not going to work.
Have you seen the inside of Ford's Theatre? It will blow your mind. ~Abraham Lincoln
Daddy, I really miss you. Mummy changed my name to Tickle Timpson. Anyway, daddy I forgive you for abusing me.
Have you ever tried anal bleaching?
It really helps assholes lighten up.
Mom says: "I will go kill myself."
Me: *stays quiet cuz knows better than to talk* *also me internally eyerolls*
Some time later me fighting with my mom:
Me to my mom: "Oh, yea than kill me!"
Mom: "What the hell did you just say? I don't want to hear it from you again!"
Lesson?
So it's OK for adults to say "I'll kill myself" but not teens/kids!?!?
Why is the last part of orphanage "age?"
Because it doesn't matter your age.
Did y'all ever hear about the great thunder crash of September 11th?
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.