Told jokes

Bro sat down too close for comfort. I told him to move or he would get hurt.

Come on, how hard could it possibly be To move a few inches? You’re touching my D.

A guy really needs his personal space. Disobey and I’ll shove it in your face.

My friend just told me about reverse exorcisms.

In these, the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.

I told an orphan there were 363 days in a year.

Yesterday I saw an orphan kid playing GTA and told him he can't get 5 stars because he ain't wanted.

Ask someone to call you a bitch. When they do, tell them, "Bitches do as they are told!"

“My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given.

I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.”

I told the ugly friend in my friend group that when they daydream, they shouldn't picture themselves because it will just ruin it.

I shouted at a kid. I told him to get his parents.

It was the last time I worked at an orphanage, 🤣.

I got a job at a library. I got fired after 15 minutes. They told me it was because I put women's rights in the fiction section.

I told my brother if he wanted to have a wonderful first day of school, then he should put a cookbook in the women's sports section at the school library.

My wife (or husband) told me to get six cans of Sprite from the grocery store.

I had just realized when I got home that I had picked up 7-Up.

I wonder if any of these people are still alive.

Anyways,

When I arrived at the pearly gates when I died, the guardian asked me how I died. I told him I was just hanging around.

Just told Putin to get some b*tches.

Waiting for 3801 missiles to strike my house.

They told me a mask was enough to get into the supermarket.

They lied, everybody else was also wearing pants.

I told a Chinese man, "Which is better, cats or dogs?"

He said, "Dogs."

I said, "Why?"

He said, "Because dogs tasted better than cats."

I told a furry, "Don't call yourself a joke!" I said to the furry, "Joke has meanings."

Today, a kid in a wheelchair was rolling around the class to get away from this one annoying kid, so I told him, "Brayden, just get up and walk away."

I told Siri about my dog, and she told me if she could tell me a joke to cheer me up, and I said okay.

She asked me, "Knock knock." I said, "Who is there?" She said, "Not your dog."

What is the only thing worse than being told you're adopted?

Still being in the orphanage at 13.

I told a blind kid, "See you later!"