I was in an audition for the lead role of movie 'Aquaman'. The Director told me to dive into a pool. Then outta nowhere Penaldo showed up and made a big dive into the pool. The director was impressed and selected Penaldo for the movie.Shame on you penaldo for destroying my dream
I told my husband he should embrace his mistakes
He hugged me!
I asked my boyfriend who his favorite motivational speaker was. He said Andrew tate. I told him the BEST motivational speaker was Stephen hawking.
They never told us humpty was a egg. A man died then!
i shouted at a kid I told him to get his parents
it was the last time I worked at an orphanage ,🤣
My teachers told me I'd never amount to much because I procrastinate so much. I told them, "Just you wait!"
Yesterday I saw an orphan kid playing GTA and told him he cant get 5 stars because he ain't wanted
“My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given. I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.”
My parents told me that I should go hang with my friends and get out of the house. So I called some of my friends and told them to meet me in the school yard, one said “ what tree?” I replied “you’ll know when you get here”
My parents never said how they wanted us to hangout.
I told an orphan that I watch Family Guy and he seemed disappointed so I reminded him that he has no family.
How did Helen Keller parents punish her?
They told her to go find the light.
If I had a dime for every time someone has told me to KILL MYSELF I'd be a millionaire.
My wife (or husband) told me to get 6 cans of Sprite from the grocery store. I had just realized when I got home that I had picked 7-up
They told me a mask was enough to get into the supermarket. They lied, everybody else was also wearing pants.
My friend just told me about reverse exorcisms. In these, the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.
I wonder if any of these people are still alive.
Anyways,
When I arived at the pearly gates when I died, the guardian asked me how I died. I told him I was just hanging around.
I got a job at a library,i got fired after 15 minutes,they told me it was because I put women's right in fiction section
Ask someone to call you a bitch when they do tell them bitches do as they are told
What is the only thing worse than being told you're adopted? Still being in the orphanage at 13.
i told siri my dog and she told me if she could tell me a joke to cheer me up and i said okay.she asked me knock knock and i said who is there and she said not your dog
