Told Jokes

Stop complaining. Pediphile Jokes are pretty funny but to say there is over 100 of them only to have repeats of the same joke told by different people is very disappointing.

i told my mom that i have a crush she replied with: "so u like girls" i said: "uhm no no no " BUT im lesbian someone help how do i tell her without her hitting me with a belt??

So I text my girlfriend and told her I wanted to get inside her. Can you believe she replied: not again brother I'm only 8

Doctor: You need new glasses.

Patient: How'd you know? I haven't even told you what is wrong with me yet.

Doctor: I could tell as soon as you walked in through the window.

Mom told me to get more in touch with my feminine side. So I crashed the car.

Dads secretary left her position, he tole me I could take it if I want it. He also told me the job pays well but there is a lot to catch up on. He kept me under the pump all week.

if I told u, u had a nice body would u hold it against me.

My cousin asked me "What do you think was going through Hitlers mind right before he died"

I told him "Probably a bullet"

I went to the Dam to take the dam tour, but the dam tour guide told me there wasn't going to be a dam tour that day. So I was thirsty and I wanted some dam water, but the dam man wouldn't give me any dam water, so I told the dam man to keep his dam water.

I was crying at school and telling my friends that my grandpa died. Then I told them I still remember his last words, they wanted to hear them. They are: you still holding the ladder

A policeman just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes. That’s ridiculous! My dogs don’t even own bikes!

My friend was told by her doctor that she was morbidly obese.

As if she doesn't have enough on her plate.

My friends were the pilots on 911 they told me. "bro chill its just a prank."

I can barely remember the last words my uncle told me

let go of my nose

My dad told me i'm a failure... I failed a math's test. Good thing theres a pole outside my house.