Told jokes

A girl said to me yesterday, "I don't know why men act like they are better than women, we all know women are supreme." I was confused, so I asked her how, and she told me, "Well, us women have a pussy, ass, and tits, while guys only have a penis. Women have 3 things while guys only have 1. Women are obviously supreme over men." I told her, "Actually, guys have more than women." "How so?" "Men have rights."

Mickey Mouse went to a psychologist and told him, “I’m having problems with my girlfriend.”

The psychologist said, “You mentioned that you think she is crazy.”

He said, “I didn’t say she was crazy, I said she’s fucking Goofy!”

I told my friend that someone accused him of blowing dead bears. I said I defended him by responding that I saw 1 get up and walk away.

A women's knitters group is having a meeting, and they are all pregnant. They all talk about their pregnancies.

One woman says, "I'm taking vitamin C so my baby has a healthy immune system."

Another knitter says, "I'm taking folic acid to help my baby's brain."

Finally, one woman says, "I'm taking Thalidomide!"

All the women turn to her and say, "Thalidomide! Don't you know your baby could be born without arms?"

The woman shrugs her shoulders and says, "I don't know how to knit arms."

Can’t believe how ungrateful my dwarf next-door neighbor is. I saw him waiting at the bus stop earlier today and offered to give him a lift, but he told me to “fuck off.” In the end, I decided to just close my rucksack and walk away.

So, there was a kid named Bobby, and he was writing notes. He asked his mother, who was on a phone call, "what is one plus one?" She said, "I HATE YOU." Then he asked his brother what is 2 + 2, who was watching a Batman movie, said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" Then he asked his dad what is 4 plus 4, who was playing football, said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he asked his sister 8+8, (she was playing with barbies), and she said, "My buns are burning." Then he went to school and told her teacher the first note he wrote down. The teacher sent him to the principal’s office. The principal yelled, "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!" Bobby said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" The principal yelled, "HOW MANY SPANKINGS DO YOU WANT?!" Then he said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he walked away from the principal’s office and said, "my buns are burning."

I came home from school one day and told my cat a kid at school said I was an idiot and told me to go kick rocks, so I did, except I kicked him, not the rocks, and I called him the idiot for not moving out of the way.

A man comes home and finds his wife in bed with another guy. "What's going on here!?" he exclaims.

The wife replies, "See, I told you he was stupid."

My girlfriend went to the doctor for a broken arm, and they told her it should be better in about two months. I asked her what they said. She said, "It should be better in about two months." I then asked her, "What did the dentist say?"

I got told I'm too mean and that I need to think before I speak. So now I take a couple minutes and think of what will REALLY piss the other person off.

My sis told me that onions are the only food that can make you cry...

So I threw a coconut at her.

I ran over some crippled kids. I told [them] to walk it off!

The doctor told me I'm color blind...

Me: That's out of the purple!

My (at the time) boyfriend told our chemistry teacher that blood is corrosive to steel.

Anyways, my sharpener isn’t working because the blade has been too badly damaged from something else...

I told a joke to a guy who had jumped off a bridge... He was in bits! 🤣🤦‍♂️

One day my mom told me to take out the trash, and I did. The next day, mom asked me, "Where is your sister?" and I said, "A garbage truck took her." Mom started running to try and get the truck before it left.

My math teacher asked me what a liked term was. I told her I couldn't say, never experienced it.

They told me throwing babies was bad, but guess what I did yesterday? I threw my baby cousin down the escalator.

I told her she needed to put her dog on a leash, and her boyfriend is still on a leash to this day. 😮‍💨

Dad's secretary left her position, he told me I could take it if I want it. He also told me the job pays well but there is a lot to catch up on. He kept me under the pump all week.