Told jokes

Why did the author go to the emergency room?

His editor told him he needed an appendix removed.

My penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records. -- Then the librarian told me to take it out.

There was a blackout in my neighborhood last night. The police told us to stay inside until they shot him.

My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.

Yo mama so stupid, I told her Christmas was right around the corner--and she looked.

I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money.

Last night, I fucked a chick named Penny. What are the odds?

A blind man once told me he smokes a lot because he has nothing to look forward to. Well, let's just say that I see his point.

I told a chemist a joke.

No reaction.

My bank loves me. They told me my credit card balance is outstanding.