Q: What did Donald Trump say after America gave him the boot?
A: What am I supposed to do with one boot?
Jesus and Moses come back to earth. Moses says, let's go down to the ocean and see if I can do what I used to when I was here before. So Moses raises his arms and motions to part the waters. Sure enough, he is able to part the waters just as before. Jesus quips, close the water, I'm going to try to do what I used to when I was here last. So Jesus walks out on top of the water, then sinks to the bottom. He crawls out pulling seaweed off of him, Moses says, hey it's not your fault, you didn't have those holes in your feet before.
(Jokes for people with cancer) 1: I wish my cancer could kill me quicker so I don't have to do this class anymore. 2: I'm dying, finally. 3: I'm sorry, I can't go to your party because I'm expected to be dead by then. On a serious note, I might actually have cancer and I'm getting checks. I hope for the best :/.
Me: Oh man, things are really happening for me! I have so much to do!
Depression: Lie in bed
Top tip; if your wife asks "what would you like to do to my body?" 'identify it' is the wrong answer
I decided that il end it all but when i drove off i remembered i forgot to do the dishes.
Sister: I dont want to do it butt...... Me: no more butts, butts are to yuck to be in this sentence
It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.
A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. The daughter says "God bless Mummy and God Bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad." The father says, "Good bye Grandad? Why is that?" The daughter says, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, Grandad drops dead. The father can't believe the coincidence, but decided not to question it. That night, he listens to the daughter's prayers again. She says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma." The father is shocked again and asks his daughter why, but she says again, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, the Grandma drops dead and now the Father is getting worried but doesn't know what to do, so he tries to forget about it. That night, he listens to his daughter again and she says, "God bless Mummy and goodbye Daddy." The father is now terrified and goes to work the next day sweating, cancels all of his meetings, and hides in his office for the whole day. He doesn't go home and stays there until midnight. He's very surprised. 'I've cheated death!' he thinks to himself, then rushes home. His wife asks, "Where have you been?!" and the husband says, "Oh don't ask me any questions, today's been miserable." The wife replies, "Your days been miserable? Well, listen to my day! Firstly, the milk man drops dead on the porch..."
Imagine being such a low life that u need people to roast u to have stuff to do
if your ever down one day just go to the orphanage and bully a orphan because what is he going to do about it he has no parents.
I got sent to the principal's office after telling the kid in the wheelchair to do a wheelie
What punishment are teachers unable to do to orphan?
Call their parents
My late grandpa was always popular with women. One day, before he died, I asked him what his secret was. He said "I inherited a watering hole." Bewildered I replied, "What does that have to do with anything?" "I could easily get anyone wet because I was well endowed."
I wanted to do something nice for my uncle, so i cleaned out the nice vase that was given at grandma's funeral. It had so much sand im glad to help
what do Special Ed kids and fast kids have in common? They like to do things SPED up.
My friend said they were going to make a come back I told them to do it at the back of the throat
My wife wanted a boob job. I told her it was too expensive. I told her all she has to do is take some toilet paper and rub it in between her boobs for a few days, and they would get bigger. She asked "How is that supposed to work?". I replied, "I don't know how it works, but it did a heck of a job on your ass!"
Happy land for kids Hello guys imagine if we had no school and we get to do whatever we want with out parents telling us what to do! What place would you want to call it and what would the fun things we get to do be? I would call "Happy world for kids". Leave a comment telling me what it be called! enjoy! :)
3 blonde girls are on an isalnd and they are much to far away from land to swim, they find a genie on the island who offers them each 1 wish the first girl says "I wish I was smart enough to get off this island" so the genie makes her a redheaded girl, she cuts down a tree, makes it into a boat, and proceeds to row off the island. The next girl says "I wish I was even smarter then her so I don't have to do so much manual labor" so she turns into a brunet and makes a sail boat and lets the wind take her off the island. The finale girl says "I wish I was smarter then both of them!" So she turns into a man and takes the bridge.
