How to trick a gay man into having sex with a woman?
Take a dump on her vagina!
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
It didn't have the guts to do it.
A Middle Eastern man comes to the states to do a stand up show. He starts by saying β2 Jews walk into a bar, NOT IN MY COUNTRY!β
When it is quiet when you're having sex and you ask your partner to "Do the roar!"
A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot.
One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.
Eventually the construction crew more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.
At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her $10 "pay" to the bank the next day to start a savings account.
When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own paycheck at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us."
"Oh, my goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"
The little girl replied, "I will, if those assholes at Lowe's ever deliver the fucking sheet rock!"
An old man saw the TikTok trend of people throwing it back. The old man wanted to do it with his wife. The man set up everything needed and did the video. He threw it back first, then his wife, but instead of an old lady, it was ashes.
Three guys landed on a cannibal island. The cannibal chef told them if they wanted to live, they had to go get 10 of one fruit and bring it to him, and he would tell them what to do.
So the first guy brings 10 apples, and the chef said if he could shove all 10 of those in his ass without making a sound, he could live. He was three apples in and made a sound, and they ate him. The second guy brought grapes; nine grapes in, and he burst out laughing. The cannibals ate him. Then the first guy said, "Why'd you laugh? You were almost there!" The other guy who had the grapes said, "I couldn't help it, I was told the third guy came back with 10 pineapples."
Today, my mother was making breakfast. As she was tired, my brother asked if there was anything to do today.
She responded with a list:
- Take out the trash.
- Clean your room.
- Make lunch and be sure to butter the electrical sockets.
Thatβs all sweetie!
Hi guys, so today I am going to do another blog. It's just for fun, and yeah. Enjoy!
So, this morning, when I woke up, I heard that I was getting new grips. I was so excited. (In case you guys don't know what grips are, they are sort of like gloves that go on your hands and they are for gymnastics bars.) I was excited because my old grips don't fit me anymore and my coach was like, "Oh I can get you some new ones since we have a meet in a week." And so I was like, "Oh, that's fine. My parents ordered me some. Thank you though." And she was like, "Okay, that's fine. Just make sure you have them by next week." So long story short, I have new grips now.
My sister just sits on the toilet with her iPad, then I go to do something at the sink and she says, "Bella, give me toilet paper!" Then I am annoyed, like super annoyed.
What takes knowledge to do and also takes knowledge away?
Looking down the barrel and pulling the trigger. π
My mom said the only way to cure depression is to do what she does. She's dead.
Me: What do we need from there? I have a few things to do before I head out to the store, and then I will be home to pick up the stuff.
Random person: What stuff? π€¨
Me: What?
The person: You said youβre going to pick up βthe stuffβ!!! What do you mean by that?!
Me: Colourful flamingo fart.
Little Johnny is walking in the hallway and goes in his brother's room and catches him watching something, so he asks, "What you watching?" His brother replies, "Nothing," and drops his phone. But then he gets a text from his teacher, who texted him a picture of her naked, saying, "After school come fuck me." So Johnny looks and says, "Ew, I'm telling Mom," and he ran with his brother's phone and showed his mom, and his mom said, "Ok, Johnny, I'll take care of you brother," and she told him to leave, and he did.
And his brother ran in his mom's room naked, and his mom said, "Oh, that's big. How about you do what your teacher told you to do to her, to me?" And a few hours later, Johnny heard weird noises coming from the room, so he walked in and saw them (his brother and mom) having sex, so he closed the door and walked away.
I want to do Uranus. (tounge emoji) (wet emoji)
Orphan: I want to kill my parents Random kid: I donβt think you have the facilities to do that big man
What do kids play when they have nothing else to do? Bored games.
Did you know that most women are left-handed? Thatβs because the majority of them donβt know what to do with rights
Why didnβt the orphan play baseball?
Because I took the bat and swung it at their kneecaps, and now they canβt run. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
What kind of fish knows how to do an appendectomy? A sturgeon!
