Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. All of the sudden, one of them passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says “911, whats your emergency?” The hunter replies “My friend just passed out and I don’t know what to do! I think he might be dead!” The emergency responder replies “Before you do anything, make sure he is dead.” The phone goes silent and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says “Ok, now what?”
This is a poem my younger sister when she was three, recited to a crowd and I will never forget it. It is very short though.
Good night, sleep tight, wake up bright in the morning light, to do what's right, with all your might.
A hot girls wants to do suicide and jump from a bridge when an ugly smelly homeless weirdo walks up to her. And he says "hey you hot babe, let's fuck. She just answers "get the fuck away you ugly bastard". The guy just laughs and says "alright i wait down there".
I wasn’t understanding what I had to do for homework, so my teacher said “ Let me break it down for you like the twin towers.”
Today in math class we had to do an activity where we had to flip coins. The teacher said that we had to flip some coins, remove all of the heads, count them, and put the rest of the coins back in the cup and repeat until we had no coins left. I’m not sure what we were supposed to get out of that activity, but I got 15 dead bodies.
My initials are K.M.C
Which could also stand for Kill Main Character.
Which I am planning to do in this book I’m writing.
I’m writing an autobiography.
Hey, are you suicide? Because I want to do you!
My wife cheated on me with my brother She didn't have a sister so I improvised and now all I have to do is wait nine months for one to come
A poster for the winter relief fund reads: "No one should be allowed to go hungry or suffer from the cold." A worker says to his friend, "now were not even allowed to do that."
“I bought my little sister a trampoline for her birthday but all she wants to do is sit in her wheelchair and cry”
What's a good way to masturbate???
Get somebody to do it for u
Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.
Teach a feminist to fish and she will accuse you of patronising her, claim she knew how to do it anyway and that even if she didn’t, she could easily work it out without the help of a man.
Obama, Trump and Clinton are on the Titanic. The ship hits the iceberg and is going down.
Obama: This is terrible! We've got to do something -- save the women and children! Trump Screw the women and children! Clinton: Do you think we have time...?
my dad told me to do wht he did best so i left
if your bored joke about an Orphan what are they going to do tell there parents
Whats the difference between homework and a hooker? They both start with an "H" but we all know what one we would like to do.
bully: im going to hurt you so bad You: well..your IQ is same amount of teeth im about to knock out so...your so dumb that you cant don't even know how to do that
and your IQ is 5
Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. However, the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.
The first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.
They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed. But you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, "Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!"
What do tomatoes 🍅 learn to do in a race?
Ketchup!
Things you never want to do in jail - never piss off an inmate - don’t start fights with the cops - don’t drop the soap - don’t run away from the cops
