Happy new year 🥳
I asked my mum why she’s depressed, she said her life has been a wreck? I asked how long has it been, she then asked when I was born
I really hate waiting to die..... Its taking a lifetime
I would roast you, but your mirror does every time you look into it.
Children are like a box of Christmas decorations. I keep ‘em in my basement until it’s time to hang ‘em from a tree.
I wanted to make a belt out of watches, then I realized, it was a waist of time!
Bf:what do you think about our love?
Gf:count the stars in the sky
Bf:aww its infinity
Gf:nope just a waste of time
What’s the difference between a clock and an orphans dad? The clock comes back around.
What do you call you're daughter's boyfriend when he brings her back past 10pm?
An ambulance
Why don’t emo girls go to self checkout
Because every time they scan it scans twice.
Do your buses run on time? No, they run on diesel.
Girl: how much do you love me Me: count the stars in the sky Girl awww it’s infinite Me no just a waste of time
What’s the only time you can do almost whatever you want
When you have a gun in you hand
girl: daddy ive been a bad girl priest: for the last time its father I have sinned
A elderly woman and an elderly man were at a retirement home The man was shuffling a deck of cards for a card game The man asks "Is it your first time?" The woman replies "It's been a while since a man has asked me that."
Money and my mom are kinda the same thing they come and leave easlily
Vagina jokes aren't funny.
Moist of the time.
What happens when a clock is hungry It goes back four seconds.
i use to work at a calendar factory but i got fired because i missed a few days
They said I was depressed, I should make an effort to do what I love. I had to pay a hooker for, twelve hours work. ... I felt nothing, but its was nice, being with someone who felt the same.
