Time Jokes

Just all us depressed people joking about our depressed lives, we should hang out sometime.

I don't need to go to the car dealership when I have a Geico scanner on my arm at all times. 😏

A son walks up to his dad and says, "Dad! I just had sex for the first time."

The dad goes, "Great! Wanna sit down and talk about it?"

The son says, "I can't sit right now, my butt is very sore."

Your mom is a slow comedian. It took her 9 months to make a good joke.

What’s the difference between a clock and an orphan's dad? The clock comes back around.

Funny Test Answers #6

A test paper with the title "Pre Test - Answer these questions as accurately as possible" written on it. The student's answers are written in ink. The answers are often unexpected and witty, leading to the teacher giving the student an A+ for creativity and an F for the overall exam. Some of the questions include "In which battle did Napoleon die?", "What is the main reason for divorce?", and "How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?".

An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas.

"I don't understand it, Doc," she said, "I have this terrible, terrible gas." "Thankfully," she added, "they are at least silent when I fart."

Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him.

The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. "I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!", she yelled.

The doctor said, "well, now that we've solved your hearing problem, let's see what we can do about that gas".

What do you call your daughter's boyfriend when he brings her back past 10pm?

An ambulance.

Girl: How much do you love me?

Me: Count the stars in the sky.

Girl: Aww, it's infinite!

Me: No, just a waste of time.

Sonic can run around the world in a second.

In that same time, Chuck Norris can run around the Universe.

Why was the man fired from a calendar factory? He took a day off.

That time when you realize that Osama bin Laden and Carrie Underwood share the same birthday...

If you're ever bored, try scaring the sh*t out of an Asian to see their eyes open for the first time.

You wanna know how to get rid of potential scam callers?

Next time you get a call from them, just answer the phone and say, "Pizza Hut abortion clinic, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce, how may I help you?"