Time jokes

My brother goes into the bar and says, "Bartender, give me 12 beers and a shot of whiskey." The bartender says, "That's a lot of alcohol." My brother says, "I'm celebrating my first blowjob." The bartender said, "Let me buy you a drink." My brother said, "No, this should be enough to get the taste out of my mouth."

Yo mama so fat that the Avengers team had to snap five times and say, "Oh my God!"

A fish was swimming around in a pond when he noticed a fly flying around about six inches above the water. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, I could have myself a nice meal."

There was a bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, that fish will come up for that fly, and I can catch that fish and have myself a nice meal."

There was a hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will go for the fish, and I can shoot the bear and have myself a nice meal."

There was a mouse watching the hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will get the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, drop his sandwich and I can have myself a nice meal."

There was a cat in a tree watching the mouse watching the hunter watching the bear watching the fish watching the fly. He thought, "if that fly drops six inches, the fish will get the fly, the bear will get the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, drop his sandwich, the mouse will go for the sandwich, and I can catch that mouse and have myself a nice meal."

Then it all happened.

The fly dropped six inches.

The fish came up and caught the fly.

The bear came out and caught the fish.

The hunter got up to shoot the bear and dropped his sandwich.

The mouse went for the sandwich.

The cat jumped from the tree, missed, and landed in the pond.

The lesson that can be learned here is that every time a fly drops six inches, a pussy gets wet.

Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?

Because they miss Mother’s Day and Father’s Day.

Kid: Hey, Dad.

Dad: You're an hour late.

Kid: No, it was two hours. Also, I was working on math.

Dad: By yourself?

Kid: No.

Dad: A boy?

Kid: I was with the teacher.

What are they going to say about Tim Gunn in 20 years?

He kicked the bucket.

Remember, children, when you're hungry at 3:00, cook forks for 10 minutes, ok?

Did you know that an orphan can take a selfie and a family photo at the same time?

Your mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale, it said, "One at a time."

Updated - Grad 2020 Commencement Groupings.

Updated - Grad 2020 Commencement Schedule.pdf

Dear Grad Parents, Please pass the attached Commencement schedule on to your graduate(s). We ask that students arrive 15 minutes prior to their scheduled time and that they do not arrive early. Staff will greet the students outside the main entrance. Students may wear cap and gowns and/or formal wear. There will be more information to follow in the coming days. Thank you.

(Shared from the "Wolves E-genda" app.)

Good Morning, Everyone! Have an amazing day!

Friend: What goes up but not down?

You: Your age.

Why was the rapper always on time?

Because they had a PHAT BEAT to keep them in check!

Spy: Hahaha.

Me: What?

Spy: Time to pick up your mother.

Me: Oh no....

You're so fat, Thanos had to snap three times to destroy you.

What is the difference between you and a calendar?

A calendar has dates.

What do Indian and Jewish people have in common?

They both avoid the showers at all times.

"Watersharky, we need a little talking..."

Gwen, do you have to be so happy all the time? Even you don't get the joke!

I found the best GoFundMe: https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-get-the-time-machine.