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Time jokes

There were 30 high school seniors taking finals, and once they finished, the teacher, Mrs. Jones, walked up and down the classroom to collect the tests, and asked, "So, are you guys ready for college?" And Brian answered, "No way. School is just a waste of time, every day taking *seven cruel hours of our lives*." Angela replied, "Never! Like Brian said, school is just a waste of time, and the next level is surely not worth paying $50,000 for. Besides, math class is *mental abuse to humans*!" And Jack said, "School has been a waste of so much time I'll never get back, and after these *finals* I've realized... *fuck, I never actually learned shit*!"

Hi, I have a question for you.

Did you know that reading this is wasting your time?

Yeah, sorry xD

"Back To The Future"-Doc: You can time travel to anytime in HISTORY, Marty, but NEVER go to the year 2021.....

Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"

Son: "It's Tina, the neighbor's daughter."

Father: "Ohhh, I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something, son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Tina is actually your sister."

The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later:

Son: "Daddy, I fell in love again, and she is even hotter!"

Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"

Son: "It's Peny, the other neighbor's daughter."

Father: "Ohhhh, I wish you hadn't said that. Peny is also your sister."

This went on a couple of times, and the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying.

Son: "Mum, I am so mad at Dad! I fell in love with six girls, but I can't date any of them because Daddy is their father!"

The mother hugs him affectionately and says:

"My love, you can date whoever you want. Don't listen to him. He is not your father!"

There’s so many protests. Every time I see "my body, my choice," I can’t tell if we’re protesting the masks or trying to kill babies.

Why do orphans have 363 days in a year?

Because they have no Father’s or Mother’s Day.

It's sad when the person that gave you memories becomes a memory.

You know one of the worst feelings ever to exist?

When your parents and friends all still see the happy little kid you used to be...

...but in reality, that kid has been long gone for years. (not my words)

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

"Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

I got my son a trampoline for his birthday.

The ungrateful boy sat in his wheelchair the whole time.

POV: 11:07 PM At night, reading these when you notice that, like everyone else, you have no life.

Ok, ok, who is trying to be my "long lost brother"? Because last time I checked, I didn't have any sisters or brothers, so stop trying to steal my fame from me and give up. A lot of other people already know you are fake, so get off this website OR JUST STOP!!!

This song is just like how my life is and how my girlfriend left.

- Do Re Mi- By- blackbear

Do, re, mi, fa, so

(Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh)

Do, re, mi, fa, so

(Yeah, yeah, yeah)

Yeah, if I could go back to the day we met

I probably would just stay in bed

You run your mouth all over town

And this one goes out to the sound

Of breakin' glass on my Range Rover

Pay me back, or bitch it's over

All the presents I would send

Fuck my friends behind my shoulder

Next time, I'ma stay asleep

I pray the Lord my soul to keep, oh

And you got me thinkin' lately

Bitch, you crazy

And nothing's ever good enough

I wrote a little song for ya

It go like

Do, re, mi, fa, so fuckin' done with you, girl

So fuckin' done with all the games you play

I ain't no Tic-Tac-Toe

Send the X and O's on another note

I'm do, re, mi, fa, so fuckin' done with you, baby

So send the X and O's on another note, I'm ghost

(Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh)

If I could go back to the day we met

I probably would've stayed in bed

You wake up everyday and make me feel like I'm incompetent

Designer shoes and Xanax tabs

Compliments your make-up bag

You never had to buy yourself a drink

'Cause everybody want to tap that ass sometime

And you got me thinkin' lately

Bitch, you crazy

And nothing's ever good enough

I wrote a little song for ya

It go like

Do, re, mi, fa, so fuckin' done with you, girl

So fuckin' done with all the games you play

I ain't no Tic-Tac-Toe

Send the X and O's on another note

I'm do, re, mi, fa, so fuckin' done with you, baby

So send the X and O's on another note, I'm ghost

(Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh)

I wrote a little song for you, it go like

Do, re, mi, fa, so fuckin' done with you, girl

So fuckin' done with all the games you play

I ain't no Tic-Tac-Toe

Send the X and O's on another note

I'm do, re, mi, fa, so fuckin' done with you, baby

So send the X and O's on another note, I'm ghost

(Yeah, yeah, yeah)

Do, re, mi, fa, so

(Yeah, yeah, yeah)

So send the X and O's on another note, I'm ghost

Poor Bubba got burnt up so bad in a house fire that the coroner needed someone to identify the body. So Bubba's two best friends (the three were inseparable) agreed. The first friend said, "Hard to tell, can you turn him over?" The coroner looked perplexed but did so. "Nope, that's not Bubba." The second friend said, "He's burnt up pretty bad, can you roll him over again?" The coroner didn't understand but rolled him over anyway. "Nope, that's not him." Pretty confused, the coroner asked, "How can you tell it's not him by rolling him over?" "Well, you see, Bubba had two assholes." "Impossible," the coroner replied. The friends said, "I don't know, but every time we went to town, everyone would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two assholes.'"

What did the blonde say when someone says, "Your baby is so cute?"

"For the last time, I don't want to sign up my child for Tindergarten just yet!"