Q: How are Clocks like Pedophiles? A: They both stop an 12
Girl: how much do you love me Me: count the stars in the sky Girl awww it’s infinite Me no just a waste of time
somebody shouts "fire!"
man1 - get the children out man2 - f*** the children man3 - we dont have time
Yo mama so fat that the avengers team had to snap five times and say oh my God
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times? A Brazil nut.
let it go, LET IT GO! Blablablabla whatever the rest of the song says dun dun blablablabla my mom never bothered me anyway
I'm bored 😴 so thats why I sang in my wonderful voice for a few seconds and wasted ur time
What do you call a winter time contact?
A Santa clause.
There are two kids sitting in a classroom Lily and john Lily sleeps in class everyday.The teacher asks lily who made heaven and earth john pokes her with a pencil she shouts JESUS CHRIST ALMIGHTY teacher says that's right the teacher says the next day she asks the same question john pokes her with a pencil she shouts JESUS CHRIST ALMIGHTY that's right the teacher says next day she asks lily what did Eve say to adam after their 100th john pokes her again IF YOU STICK THAT THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME IMMA BREAK IT IN HALF she shouts.
A girl walks up to her blind friend who she had not seen in a while, and says: "Long time no see!"
How do you make a little girl cry for a second time?
By wiping her blood off your dick with her teddybeer.
I'm still not sure how I'm not in jail or have been fined for littering. When I was born, I was born in a hospital trash can, therefore making me a literal piece of trash. That being said, any time I'm out in public, I'm a piece of litter.
a man died and went to heaven. here he met jesus. there were two clocks, the man asked whats with the clocks?. jesus answered this is mother theresa's clock she has not lied so the clock hasnt moved, this is abraham lincoln's clock; he's only lied twice so its moved twice. where's donald trumps the man asked. jesus replied: its in my office im using it as a ceiling fan.
A kid annoyed me the other day. I told him to shut up and go back to his parents. That's the last time I'm going to an orphanage.
Your hairline goes back to when Adam and Eve were born.
A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners
The lady says, "Come Again!"
The blonde says, "No, it's toothpaste this time."
Roses are red, pussies are wet, when it goes in he gets upset, she said it’s to small, so that’s all, but later that day, he wanted to say, every time I play, no one complains, so she was just lieing, she started flying, went out of her seat, the skirt went up, the greatest of them all, everyone said, fly away big chunky balls.
What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?
The anesthesia takes time to put you under.
one day i caught my sister talking to my girlfriend and she said "you never told me your Lesbian" and i said "no,not at all" my girlfriend ask "why did you not tell her" and i said " because every time i bring a girl home i hear to much noise in her room and i never get the chance to kiss them because she's cleaning the trash" and she said "yeah,the trash is her junk"
What do you call a group of Indians that eat curry all the time?
The Munch Bunch.
