Time jokes
Yo mama is so fat, when she got on the scale it said, "One at a time, please."
A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning church, and the priest says, "What about the children?" The rabbi says, "Fuck the children." And the priest says, "Do you think we'll have time?"
What does dark humor and a child with cancer have in common?
That it will never get old.
Me: Mom, I think I need to go to the hospital.
Mom: OMG, why son?
Me: I don't know what's wrong, but every time I close my eyes, I can see.
Think about it, then spread LMAO.
So, we are in class right, and the teacher has a metal leg. Every year she gets the question of, "Do metal detectors beep every time you walk by them?" She heard this question to the point where she just says yes without hesitation.
Once she had said yes, two kids in the back started laughing.
Teacher: Ok alright, take it a little bit more seriously would you?
Kid: Oh, we're not laughing at that.
Kid_2: We're laughing at cancer.
How many times do you tickle a squid before it laughs?
TEN-TICKLES
Do you know where time is? Because it keeps flying by.
Tell your teacher this: "I passed a test that took 60 minutes. It wasn't your work, it wasn't my work, it was hour work!"
What does your first football game and your first time having sex have in common?
You were bloody and battered but at least your dad came.
What happens when a clock is hungry?
It goes back four seconds.
I really hate waiting to die... It's taking a lifetime.
Your mom is so fat, every time she turns around, it's her birthday.
What is more time-consuming than children?
Waiting for your wife to go into labor!
Yo mama is so fat, it took Nationwide 15 years to get on her side.
What does a clock do when he's still hungry?
He goes back "four" seconds!
What is white, black, and blue all at the same time?
Barack Obama.
I stayed up all night trying to follow the sun... Then it dawned on me.
One time, I bought a magnet. My wife asked why I bought it. I said I couldn't help myself; I felt attracted to it.
The Middle Ages were called the dark ages because there were too many knights.
People say that life is short.
I say... life is the longest thing we ever do.