Who are the fastest readers in the world?
Answer: 9/11 victims. They went through 80 stories in 5 seconds.
Time Jokes
Teacher: Ok kids, time to go home.
The orphan: What is home?
Teacher: Here, I have somewhere for you.
*puts in trash can*
It's muffi time, 'cause I wanna die, die, die.
Son said to father, "Last night was the best you and Mom..."
Father said, "Yeah, me, you, and your mother had sex."
Son said, "It was fun licking her pussy."
Father said, "I know it was fun when I sucked YOUR dick and your mother did. Did it feel good?"
Son said, "Yes, it was. Wanna do it again tomorrow?"
Father said, "YES BUT without your mom, we'll suck each other's dick and lick it and bite and shove each other's dick next to each other."
Son said, "Yeah, and if we do it again, let's have Mom and my girlfriend join next time."
Father said, "Ok, it's time to go to bed, son."
Son said, "Ok, love you, can you and Mom sleep with me without your clothes?"
Father said, "Ok, but you have to promise to go to bed."
Son said, "Ok, see you there." 💕👅👅👅💦💦💦💦💦💦🙈🙈💦💦💦💦💦
I was walking in the forest with my gf.
I had a Desert Eagle for protection.
A bear jumped out of the bushes; one shot was enough to put my gf down, and it gave me enough time to run away.
I got so bad about cutting myself every time I went to the bathroom, I wanted to break my jacket zipper off and use that!
Husband: Honey, do you want sex?
Wife: No, thanks, I have a headache.
Husband: Is that your final answer?
Wife: Mmmmm.
Husband: Are you sure?
Wife: Yes.
Husband: No doubts?
Wife: No.
Husband staring a long time at his wife.
Husband: Okay, I wanna use my lifeline to call a friend.
What are they going to say about Tim Gunn in 20 years?
He kicked the bucket.
A man walked into a shop and asked the shop keeper for a potato clock.
The shop keeper said, "I don't know what a potato clock is."
The man said, "Me neither, but I'm starting a new job and my boss told me work starts at 9, so I'd have to get a potato clock."
Friend: What goes up but not down?
You: Your age.
2020 was the first time Kobe had passed in years.
What does a priest and time have in common? They're both predators.
Who is the only person time waits for? Nun.
Once a boy named penis had a crush on a girl named vagina. Their teacher found out and explained not to bump into each other; as innocence, they said yes.
One day, penis found his teacher in the bed naked masturbating. The teacher wanted hardcore anal sex, but vagina found it out and went to see them. The teacher told vagina that it's normal. Penis said, "Gosh, that it's normal, I put my dildo in vagina's pussy." Then they three had a hell of a time and they all were pleasured, but after six months, they both had a child, one named dildo and another named pussy.
So, narrated, it can be told that penis had sex with vagina and her teacher normally but ended up getting a dildo and pussy.
Which flies cannot be seen?
Time flies.
The only time rape jokes are funny is never.
The first time I EVER HAD SEX I WAS ALL ALONE. You know why?
IT WAS DARK and I WAS ALL ALONE!
I asked my mum why she’s depressed, she said her life has been a wreck. I asked how long has it been, she then asked when I was born.
I was going to buy a watch today, but I didn't have time.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
The people in the Twin Towers, because they went through over 100 stories in less than 10 minutes.
