Time

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It's getting near midnight, and I can already hear Big Ben. He's upstairs pumping the wife.

One of my friends named Jill had a drug overdose.

She didn’t have any of that drug after that. For the rest of her life, she acted very high. When she died, it was because of natural causes, not the drug. So this proves that a lethal dose is also a life time supply.

Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year? Because there is no Mother's or Father's Day.

What's the difference between a girl eating Taco Bell and doing sex a few times? Nothing. Something always comes out.

JFK's wife trying to grab his head be like "him in heaven." Why did I marrei her? Welp, time for a devorsin'.

Gf: Babe, do you love me?

Bf: Count the stars and that's how much I love you.

Gf: But it's morning, sweetie...

Bf: Exactly.

Gf: :0, I'll take that as a no.

Why are there only 363 days on an orphan's calendar?

They don't have Father's Day and Mother's Day.

My 3 year old sister kept saying, "I like your cut, G." Every time she does, I dodge and close my eyes, but she's the one who always ends up running.

What do Princess Diana and a landmine have in common? Both are easy to lay. Both costly and time-consuming to get rid of.

What did Saint Peter say to Diana when she got to the pearly gates? "Wipe that Merc off your face."

What's an orphan's favorite sport?

Baseball, because that's the only time they can run home.

I see 6 letters in "the past."

I have 2020 vision.

I see 7 letters in "the future," I have 2021 vision.

Dad: What time do you wanna go to the dentist?

Daughter: *tooth hurty*

Dad: All right.