Throw jokes

A drunk walks into a bar and sees a beautiful woman at the other end of the bar and says, "Bartender, I want to buy that douchebag a drink."

The bartender says, "You can't talk like that! This is a respectable establishment, I'm going to throw you out!"

The drunk says, "Okay, I'm sorry. I'd like to buy the lady a drink."

The bartender goes to where the woman is sitting and says, "The, ah, gentleman at the end of the bar would like to buy you a drink, what will it be?"

She says, "Vinegar and water."

What do you get when you throw holy water on a cow?

A holy cow!

What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?

Pull the pin and throw it back.

Your mom finds a mirror on the scrapyard and says, "I would have thrown away a picture like that, too!"

Chuck Norris threw one Pokéball and caught 'em all.

I’ll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I’m a baker’s man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I’ll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you’re now worthless to me!

What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft? A flat miner.

I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.

Throw a few paper airplanes at the twins in your class, see if they fall.

If you're serious, congratulations on getting this far in life with absolutely no comprehension of reality.

If you had this kind of knowledge about driving a car, you'd be sitting 30 feet away from it, throwing pieces of pickles at a barn and shouting ‘shazam’ into an empty iPhone case, wondering why the car wasn't moving.

I think I am a boomerang because I always come back to you.

A Russian, a Brit, and a terrorist are in an air balloon.

First, the Russian says, "I dare to throw a stone down!" So he does that, but the others don't seem to be impressed. So the Brit says, "I dare to throw a brick down!" So again he does that, the Russian is impressed, but the terrorist laughs and says, "I dare to throw a bomb down!" So he does that and everybody can't believe what they have just seen. So a bit further, they land, and a shocked and afraid little boy comes running up to them. So they ask what happened, on which the little boy said, "I farted and my school exploded."

If I throw a paper airplane at two twins, did I cause 9/11?

Who are the best at bowling?

Terrorists, they always throw strikes.

My aunt visited and saw all of the stuff around the house my mom had kept over the years and said, "If you have something that no one likes, and it only makes people upset, or it's useless, throw it away."

The next time my aunt visited, she said, "Where is your daughter?"

My mom said, "I took your advice."

VOTING QUARTERFINAL 3: LIKE: When the school shooter throws a smoke grenade into the classroom and the autistic kid thinks it’s a Disco party. 🕺🕺🕺

DISLIKE: When the school shooter gets killed and everyone is cheering but you walk toward his gun; “I will finish what you started.”

Vote for the better joke.

A guy cut me in the lunch line. After that, a rock was thrown at him by my friend.

I throw a flashbang in a room full of epileptics...

They were shaking in excitement!

How do you confuse a blonde? Paint yourself green and throw spoons at her.

Q: Why did the father throw butter out the window?

A: He wanted to see a butterfly.