Throw jokes
A drunk walks into a bar and sees a beautiful woman at the other end of the bar and says, "Bartender, I want to buy that douchebag a drink."
The bartender says, "You can't talk like that! This is a respectable establishment, I'm going to throw you out!"
The drunk says, "Okay, I'm sorry. I'd like to buy the lady a drink."
The bartender goes to where the woman is sitting and says, "The, ah, gentleman at the end of the bar would like to buy you a drink, what will it be?"
She says, "Vinegar and water."
How can you light up a candle in a ship which does not contain any instrument and you are alone with just a packet of candles?
Answer: Just throw one candle in the sea; the boat will become lighter.
Why'd the rubber go flying across the room?
Because it got pissed off!
GUY 1: How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
GUY 2: Depends on how hard you throw them.
What’s the first thing you should do if an epileptic is having a seizure in the bathtub?
Throw in your dirty laundry!
What does a gas grenade and a baby have in common?
They both squeal when you throw them.
Why was the rapper bad at fishing?
Because he always threw back the lines!
Why are lamps so scared? Because someone might throw them away.
How do you stop a baby from crying?
Throw a brick in its mouth.
What's better than throwing up a stillborn?
Making your wife eat it again.
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?"
The horse replies, "My wife just died of cancer, and my alcohol addiction is tearing my family apart."
The bartender responds, saying "Oh" sympathetically. "Sucks to be you!" the bartender yells, throwing a bottle of wine at the horse.
I don't shut up, I grow up, and when I see you, I throw up.
At 5 years old, I already knew how to throw paper airplanes thanks to my Arabian relatives!
What is the difference between a school bus and a baseball?
You can throw a baseball, and you can’t throw a school bus.
I'm running out of degrees? I guess I better throw myself in fire to raise my internal temperature (measured in degrees).
How do rappers stay cool during summer?
They throw SHADE.
What happens when you throw water on Stephen Hawking?
He says, "Oh fuck fuck fuck!"
I'll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I'm a baker's man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I'll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you're now worthless to me!
Once I had a cat. The cat liked human beverages.
One day I decided to throw a party. The cat went over to get some soda. There was a line. I told him that he needed to wait in line. The line was too long for the cat. Then he walked to the punch bowl. He saw that there was no punch line. Very much like this joke.
You're so skinny you're a thin stick.
You're so fat that when you got in Pacific Ocean, you became the Pacific Ocean.
You're so ugly you got stuff for free.
You're so nasty that when you eat spaghetti, you thought it was throw up.
You're so fat you're the fattest person on Earth.
You are so gay you kissed the boy last night.