GUY 1: How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
GUY 2: Depends on how hard you throw them.
What do you get when you throw a pebble in the ocean?
A wet pebble.
Why are lamps so scared? Because someone might throw them away.
What’s the first thing you should do if an epileptic is having a seizure in the bathtub?
Throw in your dirty laundry!
How do you stop a baby from crying?
Throw a brick in its mouth.
What's better than throwing up a stillborn?
Making your wife eat it again.
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?"
The horse replies, "My wife just died of cancer, and my alcohol addiction is tearing my family apart."
The bartender responds, saying "Oh" sympathetically. "Sucks to be you!" the bartender yells, throwing a bottle of wine at the horse.
At 5 years old, I already knew how to throw paper airplanes thanks to my Arabian relatives!
I don't shut up, I grow up, and when I see you, I throw up.
How do rappers stay cool during summer?
They throw SHADE.
What happens when you throw water on Stephen Hawking?
He says, "Oh fuck fuck fuck!"
I'm running out of degrees? I guess I better throw myself in fire to raise my internal temperature (measured in degrees).
What is the difference between a school bus and a baseball?
You can throw a baseball, and you can’t throw a school bus.
I'll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I'm a baker's man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I'll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you're now worthless to me!
Once I had a cat. The cat liked human beverages.
One day I decided to throw a party. The cat went over to get some soda. There was a line. I told him that he needed to wait in line. The line was too long for the cat. Then he walked to the punch bowl. He saw that there was no punch line. Very much like this joke.
You're so skinny you're a thin stick.
You're so fat that when you got in Pacific Ocean, you became the Pacific Ocean.
You're so ugly you got stuff for free.
You're so nasty that when you eat spaghetti, you thought it was throw up.
You're so fat you're the fattest person on Earth.
You are so gay you kissed the boy last night.
"Can I throw you away? You look like my trash can. Oh, wait, you *are* my trash can."
Aliana is so fat, she can't fit through a hula hoop.
A man is out west driving and on the edge of town comes across a tourist stand and sitting in front is an Indian chief right out of central casting. Dour look, full headdress, a glass jar and a sign that says "Indian chief know all! $5". So the fellow's curiosity gets the better of him and he goes up to the chief, puts $5 in the jar and asks "What did I have for breakfast on this day 10 years ago?" Chief taps his chin for a moment and says "Hmmm eggs. You had eggs!"
"Eggs?" shouts the guy "Everybody has eggs! I've been had!" throws his hands in the air and leaves in a huff.
Ten years on, as fate would have it the fellow has occasion to be driving through the same town and sure enough he comes across the same stand, Indian chief, sign, and jar. So he stops the car and saunters across the road, goes up to the chief like a smart-ass, holds up his hand and says "How". Chief taps his chin for a moment and says "Poached."
Why did the Mexican man throw his wife out of the window...
Ta kill her.
