Think jokes

What do teen mothers and their unborn babies have in common?

They're both thinking "Oh my God, my mom's gonna kill me!"

Wife: I think these pants are getting too small for me!

Husband: Don't worry, maybe you are just bad at laundry.

Rape can happen to anybody, so I think I will continue taking the short cut home through the dark alleyways, wearing barely anything and walk really close to bushes.

Hey, who thinks Gwen is a dummy, so is Jaden and Kenya!

New teacher: Everyone stand up if you think you are stupid.

Student: Stands up.

Teacher: Why did you stand up?

Student: I hate seeing you stand up there by yourself.

It's often said that people peaked in high school.

I think Trump peaked in kindergarten.

What's hard and hairy on the outside and soft and wet on the inside? Coconut, what were you thinking of?

I remember waving at this guy in the street. The a**hole didn't wave back... Come to think of it, he was also swinging around a weird stick.

A girl's pussy is a muff, and when we have something against our mouths, they say our voice is muffled, so do I think the origin of the word "muffled" is talking while eating muff?

Your mama is so fat that when she went to the scale, it said, "No elephants allowed!"

I think that church is boring.

Joe Biden is the first president in history to have a vice president on record claiming they believed sexual harassment allegations against him.

I don't know about you, but I think that's a pretty big elephant in the room!

5 knock knock jokes from best to corny.

1. Knock! Knock! Who's there? Needle. Needle who? Needle little help getting in the door.

2. Knock! Knock! Who's there? Scold. Scold who? Scold outside, let me in!

3. Knock! Knock! Who's there? Mikey. Mikey who? Mikey isn't working, can you let me in?

4. Knock! Knock! Who's there? Says. Says who? Says me, that's who!

5. Knock! Knock! Who's there? Voodoo. Voodoo who? Voodoo you think you are, asking all these questions?

A man walks into a bar with an alligator. He says to the bartender, "I have a deal, if I can hold my dick in the alligator's mouth for a minute without it biting, you owe me one drink." And so the bartender agreed.

The man, like he said, had his dick in the alligator's mouth for one minute without it biting, and the bartender gave him a drink. He made another deal, but for two minutes and for two drinks. Sure enough, he was able to do it and he drank his drinks. Then he did it for five minutes and five drinks. He did it and drank his drinks. Then he said to the amazed crowd, "Would anyone like to volunteer?" One man raised his hand. He walked up to the man with the alligator and said, "Just a warning, I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long."

What did Henry VIII say when he was asked to review Six the Musical?

"It was okay, but I really think they could have cut a few parts."

What do you think of the Bill Cosby movie?

Netflix and alcohol.

I want to make another joke about Josef Vasicek, but I think if I make the NHL, I'll die in an airplane crash, so I won't risk it again.

I was thinking of a good accident joke, and I asked my sister. She said, "you."

My brother thinks he's cool when he just SMELLS.

The woman was thinking she wanted to have sex, but one second later, she did it on the street with a criminal.