Think Jokes

I would tell a joke about my abusive dad but I can only think of the punchline.

What comment did the United States Senator Kamla Harris make when one of her 64% blue dog democrat constituents called her incompetent?

"Sometimes I sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits!"

How does a disabled person play chess?

I think you forgot they don't have legs.

A girl's pussy is a muff, and when we have something against our mouths, they say our voice is muffled, so do I think the origin of the word "muffled" is talking while eating muff?

Well, a lock and a key were going on vacation, but the key said, "Help me, I'm stuck!" and then the lock said, "I think I am in lock-shary."

2020:

I think our destination is under there.

Under where?

Personally, I think putting beans on toast is better than bullets in children.

I think it was wrong for that school shooter to end his life at the scene.

He could have done some good by becoming some lonely lifer's bottom.

A guy is at his locker, and a girl comes and says, "Hey, I love you."

He says, "Okay, cool." She then replies and says, "Well, what do you think about our love?" He says, "Count the stars."

Then she says, "Oh, infinity!" and he replies with, "Nope, it's just a waste of time."

What do I think about the Kennedy assassination?

First of all, he should have had a roof on that car.

Yo mama's so fat, she thinks the buffet is the starter plate.

Do you think I can shoot a basketball?

I make it dip like water.

Awww, Gwen thinks she has a boyfriend! Oh wait, no you don't! She is just some loser ass bitch who could be a ho, you don't know. He was mine, and I want him back!

If you have a bad day, just think there are at least 15 people who care about you.

If you think Tracy Latimer's murder was in any way justified, put on your helmet 'cause you're about to miss the short bus.

1st graders: Ay yo girl, I think you’re beautiful, let’s get married!!

2nd graders: Uhh, don’t tell my mom that we’re dating!! She won’t let me date! Let’s keep this a seeeeecret heeheehee.

3rd graders: Uh, my teacher told me to stay after school because I wrote a poem about you and I’m 9 years old, we have to break up, sweetie.

4th graders: Hey, I think you’re cute!! Wanna date? I don’t think my girlfriend will mind.......

5th graders (they start wearing makeup): Ay girl, your eyelashes are pretty, I like you now, wanna date? Here’s my numberrrrrr.

6th graders: Heyyyyy, I gotta tell you a secret, I got a crush on you!! Don’t tell anyone!! Byeee, ooh, I’ll text you later!

7th graders: We need to make Peyton jealous because she broke up with you!! Wanna date? I mean, you’re not hot, but still, great personalityyyyy, alright, bye now.

8th graders: Hi sweetheart, I got STARRRBUCKKKSSS

Me: UGLY AF AND LITERALLY NO BOYFRIEND.....