Thing jokes

"What's 9 + 10?"

"21" (lol XD)

Also:

"My name Jeff" (Roar XD)

One more thing:

Ninja has ligma.

How many feminists does it take to fix a lightbulb?

None. Feminists can't change anything.

Things you say before sex, Disney addition:

"Have you seen my Mouseketool? Oh, Toodles!"

I told someone some jokes, y'know? "Fruit Ninja," "barcode legs," "French puppet thigh wrings." And she was like saying that's not cool and stuff. So she reported me, and it was like:

The counselor: "So I've heard you've been making sh jokes?" Me: "You say it like it's a bad thing." Her: "It is." Me: "Chill bro, it ain't that deep. Don't worry I'll end it :)"

Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline.

The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.

The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"

Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.

A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.

"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.

"My wife cheated on me," a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.

"I'm sorry to hear that," Dave says.

"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."

Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:

"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"

The annoying orange told the annoying, insecure, beta bitch orange that he wants to be the most annoying thing on Earth again.

Best thing ever right here.

So, there is this app on your phone called ringer. Go into it. There is a 12-15 digit number. Enter that into my phone, my dick will get 12-15 inches longer.

There's a sexy milf that lives next door. The only thing better is her 8 Y/O.

The Good Old Days.

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.

What's the last thing emos feel before they die? Rope burn.

What's the only good thing about being an orphan?

All snacks are family sized!

My friend died from an allergic reaction. He gave me an EpiPen while he was dying, so now I have something to remember him from.

So NFL teams were playing football on me, and then Justin Jefferson hit something called "the gritty" on me.

When you are f***ing your girlfriend and then she tells you that you f**k like your guys' dad.

Then you f**k your mom and she says the same thing.

"I’m going through a lot of things right now," I said frustratedly to the person on the line as I crashed straight through the next building in my car.

What's the good thing about fucking 21 year olds?

There's twenty of them!

Know what a 6.9 is?

Another good thing screwed up by a period.

What is important?

Some moving men had just begun their day's work.

The first thing they brought into the house was a huge couch.

The owner came in and asked how everything was going. They replied, "Sofa so good."

What do you call a disabled Asian?

"Sum ting wong."