Thing jokes

I went for a job interview today, and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."

"Well, I'm your man," I replied. "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible!"

What is the best thing about being back?

Free bullets.

What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits the windshield of a car going 80 mph? Its butt.

You know, the strangest things happen. My mom said, "Step on a crack, you break your mama's back, but if you step on a line, you break your father's spine." I stepped on the line. It didn't break his spine. Mom, who is my father?

People have been telling me that you can get things for free now.

The other day I saw a sign saying "FREE PALESTINE."

The only thing they can see are their chopsticks.

Hi everyone, today I am taking requests for anything you want me to say.

What's the worst thing to happen to a Japanese person in WW2... being drafted as a kamikaze pilot, or existing with a Fat Man or Little Boy?

My dad died in 9/11, and that was the second worst thing that happened to me with a plane, next to Soul Plane.

The last thing I said to my dog was,

"Play dead."

Me as a 5-year-old: How do you relate to the Twin Towers?

Friend: What?

Me: Every time I think of them, I feel sad.

You're so fat, the only thing you could be for Halloween is the Kool-Aid Man.

My grandmother made her passage on the Titanic. The ship was not the only thing that went down.

What do emos and ninjas both have in common? They both hide and cut things.

What is the only thing worse than being told you're adopted?

Still being in the orphanage at 13.

What do you call a disabled Chinese person?

Sum Ting Wong.

The CCP should be pleased. COVID is the longest thing to have ever been made in China.

What's one thing you'll never find in lost and found?

Your dad.

I done a thing where we have chat hangouts with people that like Gwen or just want to hang out, do stuff.

All people are invited!

We have a lot! Enjoy!

Who remembers when Gwen was the only thing people talked about on this website?