Thing jokes

Christopher and Tony were tempted for a beer, but they only had 2 dollars each.

Christopher got an idea and ran away to the butcher to see if he could get something good. He came back with a sausage. So they went to a pub and ordered 2 beers and 2 whiskeys.

"Are you crazy?!" said Tony to Christopher. "We don't have any money!"

"Take it easy now," said Christopher. "I have a plan."

When they finished drinking everything up, Christopher put the sausage through his own zipper and begged Tony to bend on his knees and take the sausage with his mouth.

The bartender saw what they did and threw them out without even paying. So Christopher and Tony kept doing the same thing pub after pub after pub.

After the 10th pub, Tony said: "I can't do this anymore. I am drunk, and my knees are in too much pain to even handle the walk."

"How do you think I feel?" said Christopher, exhausted. "I dropped the sausage in the 3rd pub!"

Why do orphans like stealing things?

They wanted to have company.

Just saw the news that Kobe passed. I guess there's a first for everything.

Look, Bono is a great guy, but shopping with him is a pain, because he still hasn't found what he is looking for.

What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits the windshield of a car going 80 mph? Its butt.

How did people bully Helen Keller? They said, "Wow, that was the coolest thing ever! You really should have seen it!"

Big, ugly, and very weird.

What is the best thing about an 18-year-old girl in the shower?

Slick her hair, she looks 15.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common.

They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

What’s one thing you can say during family dinner and in bed?

"Will there be seconds?"

What’s one thing you can say during a wedding and in bed?

I didn’t know we were having seafood tonight!

Guys, I promise I’m not suicidal, I just like dark things.

*proceeds to walk around the house with headphones in and stare at the ceiling while laying down on the couch*

My grandmother made her passage on the Titanic. The ship was not the only thing that went down.

What do emos and ninjas both have in common? They both hide and cut things.

What is the only thing worse than being told you're adopted?

Still being in the orphanage at 13.

You're so fat, the only thing you could be for Halloween is the Kool-Aid Man.

The CCP should be pleased. COVID is the longest thing to have ever been made in China.

What's one thing you'll never find in lost and found?

Your dad.

I done a thing where we have chat hangouts with people that like Gwen or just want to hang out, do stuff.

All people are invited!

We have a lot! Enjoy!

What's the worst thing to happen to a Japanese person in WW2... being drafted as a kamikaze pilot, or existing with a Fat Man or Little Boy?